Wish upon a full moon
by MeandPizzatheOTP
Summary: Maia hads been an outcast ever since Paul destroyed her. She's dying inside, and no one, especially Paul, cares. But, when Paul IMPRINTS on her, he realises that in hurting her, he's hurt himself even more. Can he win her over before she's too far gone?- Kept up because of the amount of reviews it has received, but It is from when I was 11 and into the disgusting world of twilight
1. Chapter 1: Disgust

**Maia's POV**

I got out of my cute little truck, and walked into school with my head down, just hoping _he _wouldn't be here today.

_Just keep your head down, just keep your head down. Maybe today, Paul won't even notice your here._

I scoffed at myself. That was purely wishful thinking.

A single tear fell down my cheek. Of _course _he would notice I was here. He always did.  
><em>And when he finds me ...<em>

Scenario's ran through my head, and I gasped a little, shocked I could think such things, yet saddened deeply that my thinking was probably accurate.

I looked down to my slender hand, and saw **those **bruises. They were blue and purple, and stood out noticeably against my pale complexion.

Shaking my head slightly, I let the panicky feeling in my gut come to the surface.

I quickened my pace, hoping to get to class before Paul found me.

Letting my mainly dark brown hair fall over my ice-blue eyes. I tried to pick out one of the honey streaks, and one of the black streaks, and fiddled with them: playing with my hair was my knee-jerk reaction when I was nervous.

_Distract yourself ... don't let yourself cry... Leave that for tonight. Just get yourself through the day._

Of course, this day would be as hard as any other.

Of course Paul would get tempermental before lessons, seek me out, and ... then he'd hurt me.  
>Of course I'd get into lessons, keep my head down, and pray that it would all be over soon.<br>And after lessons, Of course i'd be met by Paul and his friends.  
>Of course they'd laugh at me. They'd call me the names that they'd repeated so Many times that i had memorised them, word for word, and I'd dream about it at night.<br>Lessons would come again, and I might even get a notice from the teacher, telling me that my truck had been vandalised - _again_.  
>Of course I would know who did it. I knew it all too well.<br>And, as if it were tradition, it was almost certain that when lunch came, i'd run into the toilets and weep, believing everything those bastards would say.

Because they were right. I WAS ugly.  
>I was worthless.<br>I'd look into the mirror, and see _her. _That waste of space.

I used to believe I was pretty.  
>I liked they way my curls would feather my heart shaped face.<br>I liked the way my eyes were such a shocking icy blue.  
>I liked that I was the average height, and that I was not skinny, but curvy.<br>Because, even though I didn't have the anorexic model look, I was still me.

But, Paul had corrected me about that a **long** time ago.  
>I was <strong>nothing<strong>.  
>And the very essence of me, the person I was so many years ago, was but a blur. I'd been replaced by this new entity, sculpted by Paul Walker.<p>

I had just walked through the doors of the school, before I was yanked backwards.

" Oi!" A voice snarled behind me.

I shuddered in fear, knowing that cruel, angry voice.

" You thought today would be any different? Awww, you ignorant bitch. You know, Your just so pathetic ... Some one has to tell you." He hissed into my ear, grabbing my wrist. I winced, as he gripped my bruise.

" P- Please Paul ... I'm sorry. I .. I .." I whispered, gasping for breathe. " I'm sorry ... " I repeated.

" You should be. No one EVER says no to Paul Walker. Then again, i'm glad i'm not going out with a pathetic mess like _you _Maia." He growled, spitting out my name like it was venom.

I winced at his harsh words.

" You deserve this. " He continued. " You're NOTHING." He bellowed in my ear.

A guy from my art class saw what was happening - but he seemed to be too afraid to do anything to help me. He was going to ignore it, and focus on getting to first period.  
>I looked over Pauls shoulder, pleading the guy with my eyes, hoping he'd do something, <em>anything<em> to rescue me from the torment. But, he just kept walking.  
>So Paul continued.<p>

" What are you Maia?" He asked me, hissing in my face.

" I'm ..." I stammered.

" WHAT are you?" He asked again, pushing me for an answer.

I felt as if I was drowning in his words, and soon, i would die, suphicate as I was strangled with fear.

" I'm - I'm a pathetic mess. I'm nothing. I'm ugly, and you were better off never going out with me." I told him the lines that he had told me every single day.  
>The lines i'd repeat every single night before I went to bed silently crying myself to sleep.<p>

" Good." He spat, before shoving me into a wall. I went head first into the hardness, and I felt something warm trickle down my face.

I fell to the ground, and he stalked off, leaving me lying there.

I just let myself sob, right there, infront of everyone.

Suddenly, the blood was washing with the tears.

Couldn't I just stop being so pathetic?

Maybe then I wouldn't get teased as bad.

Suddenly, my lifeline appeared.

"Oh my god Maia! Are you okay?" My best friend and only friend, Tyler, scooped me off the ground. He made me meet his emerald eyes, before whispering "What happened to you?"

" It's nothing Tyler." I tried to sound as firm as possible, but it came out as a hoarse whisper. I looked away from his stare.

" Maia, you never tell me anything. You're my best friend! I need to know these things! look at you! There is blood dribbling down your face! " He practically screamed.

" I .. I deserve it." I sobbed. " It's all my fault." Breaking down, Tyler pulled me into an embrace.

I looked up at him, and he tentatively pulled a stray hair away from my eyes.

" No way is it your fault. Whatever has happened, it's not your fault. Is it Paul? If it is ... " He growled with passion.

" It's my fault." I repeated, with hurt evidently in my eyes. " Just ... stop Ty. Please." I pleaded.

" Maia, there is nothing wrong with you. He's BRAINWASHED you!" Tyler tried to get me to see sense. " You're amazing. Can't you see it?" He whispered.

I tried, and I tried, but I just couldn't see it. I was in too deep.

All I could do was try to cling on life.  
>Because I was dying inside.<p>

I was fighting a battle i'd never win.  
>I was just sorry I wasn't someone who anyone could be proud of.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>This is my first PaulxOC fic ! If you are not even the tiniest bit sad right now, there is something wrong with you.<strong>

**I hope this is up to my normal standard of writing.**

**I know this is probably not worth a review, but .. If you like this fic, will you please give reviewing a try?**

**You see, me and my friend are having a bet to see who can get the most reveiws in a story.**

**Thanks so much,**

**CaitlinB54**

**X**


	2. Chapter 2: Flashback and normality

**Maia POV**

I got out of my truck again, reluctantly, to walk into school. The wound on my head was still stinging in pain, and I shuddered, before pulling my fringe over my face to hide_ that_ mark I had gotten just over a week ago from ... **him**.  
>I cringed as I sunk into my thoughts.<br>He didn't normally hurt me ... well, physically, anyway.  
>It was just this once that he had made me bleed.<br>And I was terrified.  
>Was he going to do anything worse?<p>

_Just keep going, Maia. He can't hurt you any more then he already has. Keep going._

Despite the fact that I was chanting this over and over again, my legs had suddenly stopped me in my tracks.

" He wouldn't hurt you again like that. He'll just tell you what you are, maybe throw around your books, and then he'll leave you be ..." I muttered to myself, although I didn't feel very convinced.

My eyes lingered over to the bruises on my arm.  
>They were still a deep purple and blue colour, although now they were tinged with a horrible yellow colour.<br>I pulled my long sleave down to cover the shame.

Those bruises were ugly.  
><em>Just like me.<em>

I gulped in the small intake of air in my mouth - I knew if I let it out, I would start sobbing.

Breathing in heavily, I hoped to god that the tears in my eyes wouldn't spill.

It was my fault.  
>It always had been.<br>I didn't have to tell Paul what I thought of him on that fateful day ...

**Flash Back**

_I used to be different. I used to like myself. I was confident, and I liked to let people know it._

I don't know what it was about me, maybe it was my confidence, or my kick-ass attitude, that attracted Paul to me. But one day, Paul Walker decided that he liked me, and asked me out on a fuck session. "So baby," He started, leaning on the lockers. "I know you want me. Anyone with eyes would want this sexy peice of ass." He gestured to himself, biting his lip lustfully. I rolled my eyes.  
>" So, Wanna go to the movies? eh? Or do you want to skip to the good part?" Paul grinned his flirtatious grin at me. I just smirked at him, knowing his attempts had been wasted on me.<p>

_" Paul, you use every single girl that is unfortunate enough to fall for you. You fuck them senseless, and then you dump them. Do you think I am one of them dumb bimbo's?" I asked him, amusement laced in my features._

_Paul just laughed,seemingly unphased by this, before trying again. " Hey, I have needs. Don't you want to be the lucky girl to fulfil them?" He winked at me, before grabbing my ass and pulling me closer to him. We were infront of all his friends, aswell as half the school, and I found that this way of trying to impress them extremely pathetic. " You know that we'll both have a good time, you sexy little whore .. " He whispered into my ear, making my skin crawl._

_Disgust shot through me like a bullet, and I slapped him, leaving a big red mark on his russett skin. Anger dominated his features, but I didn't care. " I am NOT a whore. You. Are. Pathetic. Go get some one who actually IS a bimbo-slag! " I started. " Because no self-respecting woman would have sex with a boy like you!" I grinned as he was left speechless.  
>No one could ever leave Paul Walker speechless.<em>

_Of course, it was the wrong move to play._

_Everyone was laughing. At him._

_The anger flaring in his eyes was a warning._  
><em>I wouldn't live through High school.<em>  
><em>At least not emotionally.<em>

_That was the first time I had been actually scared in high school._  
><em>The burning loathing distorting his face was almost enough to make me wince.<em>

_Of course I should have thought about his harsh temper ..._  
><em>Well, i'd be more then just feeling the wrath of it now.<em>

END FLASHBACK

I gasped slightly at the memory : Just the hatred in his eyes had scarred me forever.  
>And now I was a ghost of my former self.<p>

I sighed, shuffling through the school doors, before I felt a hand on my back.

I let out a horrified whimper, before Tylers voice soothed me. " Don't worry. It's just me.." Tyler consoled, putting his arms around me. I just felt so stupid, getting worked up like this.

" Tyler .." I whispered, trying to calm my breathing; I had almost had a heart attack right there when I thought Paul was going to hurt me again. Stupid, stupid STUPID! Why couldn't I just stop being so wimpy? Why did I have to always do this to myself?

" Don't ever ... d-do that again .. Please .. I ... I was ..." I tried to explain, but it came out in mortified gasps, with no sound but my hollow breathing.

" Maia, everything's okay ... " He whispered. "I'm so sorry ... I should've known .." I felt ashamed of myself. Being so broken ... It killed me.

" It's... fine. I'm fine." I sighed. " It's just ... Paul has been gone for a week. I'm constantly scared, Ty." I let the hurt show evidently in my eyes, and Tyler in turn gave a grimace.

" You'll make it through this, okay?" He took my shoulder in his hand. "We'll get through it. Together."

Eyes watering, teeth gritted, I nodded.

" Thank you." I whispered.

" That's what friends are for, right?" He smiled a half-hearted smile, the didn't reach his eyes.

I couldn't do anything but nod again, and Tyler sighed.

" We need to get to classes. At lunch, i'll take you to meet some of my friends, yeah?" I could detect that the enthusiasm in his voice was false.

" What's wrong with them Ty?" I rolled my eyes, and grinned ever so slightly. In fact, you'd have to be super human to see the slight twitch in my lips.

" They are ... Hormonally influenced. Especially Collin.. And Brady ... And Seth just adores you. So... yeah, pretty much all of them." Tyler sighed.

I let amusement flicker across my face,although not smiling, realising what he meant. Tyler looked surprised, as I never really thought of anything as funny any more .. " You mean horny?" I asked.

" Well ... No - Y ... Yeah pretty much. " He admitted, smiling. " Right, enough about them doofuses. Just get through these lessons, and then we'll talk." His face was deadly serious now.

" Okay, Ty." I whispered.

" Good Maia." He sighed, before I walked to my class.

Math.  
>With Paul's friend <em>Jared.<em>

I was pretty much shaking with fright as I got into my maths class. Maybe Jared would try and fulfil Pauls daily job of terror ...

Unfortunately, my assigned seat was directly infront of him.  
>I whimpered ever so slightly, and let my hair cover my eyes once again, almost wishing that this would be enough so that I could stay invisible.<br>Somehow, I knew he had heard me, and he grimaced. Jared had laid off the insults since he had left for two weeks with mono, a few months ago. I guess he could now hear that my breathe hitched whenever I was near him, Paul, or his friends. I guess he could now see the despair in my eyes every time he glanced my way ...  
>Regardless, whenever I got near him I was absolutely mortified.<p>

I took my seat reluctantly, and listened to Mrs Mohr rant about how algerbera would strengthen us in the future.

" Hey Maia ..." He whispered to me. I looked at him with what must have been a horrified expression, and started shaking in fear. He had not talked to me for so long ... Had Paul told him to do something to me?  
>STUPID Maia! Stop being so paranoid! He cannot hurt you ... not in here! besides! Your acting so silly! All he done was say hi ...<p>

" W ... w-what?" I asked, my voice breaking through several parts of this simple word. _This is what they've done to you ... Your just so worthless! You just let them hurt you! You truly are worth nothing!_

Jared looked at me with pure sorrow. " Maia ... i'm -" He started, before the teacher glared at us.

I turned around swiftly, making sure he couldn't talk to me again.

Luckily, Jared stayed silent for most part, and he didn't even throw one jibe at me! Despite this, I spent most of my lesson terrified, just waiting for the bell. As soon as it finally did go, I bolted for the door with such speed it was almost unhuman.

" Hey, wait up -" Jared called, but I was already out of the door.

After the other univentful lessons, I ran to the cafeteria, and was met by Tyler. "Hey Maia." He smiled.

I replied with a shaky " Hi." I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously, waiting to meet some of Tylers friends. Apparently he met them in football practice, which was weird, considering he didn't go to or even PLAY football.

I twiddled my thumbs, anxious.

What if I wasn't good enough for them?  
>I guess I wasn't. I was certain that I wasn't good enough for anyone ...<br>But, despite this, Tyler **didn't** seem to wonder why he got stuck with me, and was the closest thing to a best friend I had.  
>Due to that fact, I desparately wanted his friends to approve of me.<p>

We walked over to a table with 3 guys sat there, all looking at us.  
>They were all pretty gangly, but cute in a boyish way.<p>

I sat down delicately, and smiled a small, sad smile at them.

One of their faces lit up instantly, before saying "Heya, your pretty! - I mean ..." He blushed. "Seth ... I'm Seth .."

I smiled, and for the first time in a long time it reached my eyes. He thought I was pretty?

I'm pretty sure I blushed myself, before hiding in my hair again. " H- hi ... I'm Maia." I said in a small voice.

He said I was pretty ...  
>No one had every told me I was pretty before ...<br>He was probably joking though ... Oh God, who was I kidding?  
>No one could ever think that I, of all people, was pretty.<br>I was a monster.

Ugh! Stop going over this! Stop analysing everything!

Tyler groaned at Seth. " Dude! Shut _up _will you?"

Seth sighed, before smiling smally at me. I tried as hard as I could to smile back, but it probably came out shaky.

" Hey, i'm Collin and this is Brady." Collin grinned. They both winked at me, and I felt a little taken a back. Why were they acting so nice? What were they plan - Stop Maia. They aren't like Paul and his gang.

They talked about everything and nothing, and I would even join in sometimes. Of course, I wasn't very good at socialising ... Not after Paul broke me.

Nevertheless, All their boyish talking made me feel ... normal.

I sighed, almost happily.

However, nothing would take away the pain. I could try anything and everything , but nothing could stitch up my emotional wound. Because, how do you solve a problem like that, when it's too far messed up?  
>I did know one thing however: I wouldn't cry in front of them. I couldn't show them I was broken.<p>

" So .." Seth started, talking directly to me, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. " Do you want to come with us to the beach tomorrow? I mean ... if you want ... It's just ..."

" Really?" I asked, disbelieving.

" Really." Tyler grinned, motioning to me with a thumbs up.

"Okay .." I smiled half-heartedly. I didn't deserve their kindness.

I deserved nothing.

_Paul was right ... Your a freak._

* * *

><p><strong>Hoped it was okay .. She's really jumpy and stuff at the moment, but she'll get more confident over time .. I know that the story isn't that good so far, but would you please give up a few seconds to review? It makes me feel fuzzy :)<strong>

**And thanks for the reveiws so far!**

**I love .WOLF, **the anonymous person with no name mentioned**, Dreamcatcher94, Sandra, crazy-A7X-fan-13 , Rose-TheDaughterofHades , phanime, haterslovetohateme1234, blaireee and wErEwOlFfAn101 ! By the way wErEwOlFfAn101, whats this about winning?**

**Also, do you have any ideas? I want to know what chapter you want Paul to imprint on Maia, and where it would be.**

CaitlinB54

P.s

I'm really glad for the 10 reveiws, but If I could get at least 10 reveiws for the next chapter too , I would be EXTREMELY happy. I really need ideas for the next few chapters, and if you tell me them through reviews, I'd be amazed, and would post my next chapter in 1-2 days!


	3. Chapter 3: Nightmare and beaches

**Maia POV**

_" You are NOTHING, Maia. I don't know why I even asked you out! I mean, you aren't good enough to go out with me! Never MIND Say no to me!" Paul hissed, gripping my arm, as I winced with the sudden jolt of pain. I let the tremors of fear ripple through me.  
><em> I didn't realise how he continued to rant on about him asking me out and me declining - If I had, I might have found out that the problem was with him feeling rejected._ Instead of focusing on the content of his words, I just focused on the stabbing hurt in my heart. I whimpered._

_I wished that I hadn't have humiliated him in front of his friends. Maybe he was a man-whore jerk, but I still shouldn't have turned him down in_ **that **way. I should have just said no in a private place, without slapping him for making me out to be a slut. Unfortunately, it was too late now.

_" I ... i- I'm s-so ... s-sorry ..." I whimpered between sobs. I just let the hurt dribble fall from my eyes in the form of tears as Paul and his friends laughed at me._

_" You are such a wimp Maia! Aww, is the little baby crying?" He grinned, as Jared now threw an insult at me._

_" Grow up Maia! Maybe then you'll learn how to be a real woman!" He leered at me, no hint of mercy in his eyes._

_I didn't know how to reply to this. Maybe he was right - maybe I was only a silly little girl.  
>I took a large gulp before saying.<em>

_" I ... I k-know ..." I hung my head in shame, for most part directed at me. I couldn't even defend myself! How pathetic was that?_

_Maybe I was all these things him and his friends were telling me were true .._  
><em>Maybe I was worthless.<em>

_I couldn't bring myself to look up at the hatred and spite in their gazes. I was afraid that the fire in their eyes would burn through my head._  
><em>I just looked at my hands, as my fingers bit into my palm, making them sore. I hid my face behind my hair, hoping that in this action, I could sheild myself from everything, and everyone. Unfortunately, i wasn't that lucky.<br>Of course I wouldn't be.  
>Paul brought his face down to my own, and his hands ripped apart my hair barrier and put it behind my ears, making me feel exposed.<em>

_" Just remember Maia Shaw: I'll never let you forget that you are an ugly, pale-face SLAG." He spat, and I flinched. Away from him, away from his words, and away from the daggers in his eyes that were tearing my heart from my chest._

_Once, I would have never stood for that._  
><em>But that was a long time ago.<em>

_He was right._

_I would never be anything more then a worthless, ugly bitch._

" No ... NO! PL-PLE...ASE ... S - STOP! I - I'M ... S ... SO .. SO-SORRY ..." I Shrieked, waking up from yet another nightmare in a cold sweat.

" Shh honey .. it's okay ..." My mum soothed, rubbing circles in the small of my back. " What are your nightmares about? It must be serious .. This happens every single night. What is it honey?" She asked me.

" M ... my f-fault ... I-It's all m-my fault ..." I whispered over and over again. I was gasping for much-needed breathe, and I could feel something wet streaming down my cheek. I shakily wiped it away, only to find that it was one of many fat, salty tears. My mum looked at me, with despair evident in her eyes. She pulled me into a feirce embrace.

" Nothing is your fault honey ... what ever it is, It musn't be your fault. Don't ever think that, okay?" She spoke with a passion. I just nodded, still trembling.  
>She didn't say anything after that, she didn't ask questions - just leaving me with a companionable silence.<p>

My mum stayed with me, carefully lulling me, until I could fall asleep once again.

I let silent tears drip off my nose as I faded into darkness..

* * *

><p><strong>10.30am<br>**  
>I woke up groggy, and still trembling from the nightmare. I let out a frustrated sigh, more so aimed at myself as I got out of bed and looked into my vanity mirror.<p>

_Still ... ugly._

I let out a small whimper.

My eye's were puffy and red from weeping, and my face was a pale white.  
>I looked at myself and winced in disgust.<br>I couldn't go out to the beach looking like **THIS**.

Turning away from that _thing-_ girl in the mirror, I jumped in to the shower, and let the hot water wash away what it could of my troubles.  
>Of course, every problem surrounding <em>him <em>was always stuck in the back of my mind, or rather, right in the forefront, screaming at me.

I let out another sigh, although this one was distraught and shaky.

_" Just remember Maia Shaw: I'll never let you forget that you are an ugly, pale-face SLAG." _Pauls voice ringed through my head. I flinched at the hatred in his tone, echoing in my ears. _I know Paul, I know._

After showering, I got out, got dressed into my pajama's again, and brushed my teeth forcefully. My hands were still trembling .. Why was I always so scared? Why was I so worthless, that Paul Walker could try anything in his power to make my life a living hell?  
>Because that's what it was: Just a living hell.<br>I could feel the flames licking at my skin already, setting my life ablaze, scorching my self esteem into nothing, more so every day.

I scurried out of the bathroom and glanced around my room.

Every wall in my large room was a off-white cream colour, with the single exceptional one that was painted in a deep blood red. Black and gold swirls danced across my walls, with the occasional silver splatter dotted around. Everything in my room was one of those 5 colours, cream, dark red, black, gold or silver - except my dark magnolia coloured laptop that sat firmly on my desk, and th matching 32 inch TV that hung opposite my four poster bed.

I sighed: my room was fit for royalty - it was too good for me. I was far from regal.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my bedroom, but ... it just made me feel like I wasn't good enough...

About a year ago, I met Tyler, my best friend - he had just moved here from Britain. Tyler was confident, good-looking, and such a sweet person - he could've had all the friends he wanted. But, he chose me. Plain, Simple me. I've always wondered why he would settle for me, but i'm so glad he did.  
>Paul was still tormenting me, so bad that it physicly hurt - and one day, I let it all spill to my best friend. He was disgusted with Paul, and told me that he'd make it better.<br>One day, I noticed that Tyler wasn't in school.  
>I went home at the end of school, and when I went to my room, Tyler, my mum, and my Dad, had re-decorated my room - I guess in an effort to make me feel better.<br>It was so pretty, And I was so overjoyed - Words couldn't describe how happy I was. " A beautiful room fit for a princess like you." Tyler had whispered. I held him into an embrace, so estatic that someone would do this for me, but I still felt a pang of guilt, because I felt as if I didn't deserve it.

Tyler was so good to me ... He deserved so much better ...

Not wanting to dwell on that thought any further, I ran to my closet, dodging the vanity mirror (that'd probably make me feel worse) on the way.  
>I decided that if I was going to the beach, I would at least have to wear something that made me feel better about myself.<br>Hurting a bit inside, I put my hand up to my forehead.  
>You know, just once, i would have liked to think of myself as beautiful.<p>

I put on a gorgeous dark magenta bikini , in hope that it might make me look better. After long searching through my closet, I also found a short white summer dress, and decided that that might look okay over the top.

I left my hair to dry naturally in curls, and ... well, after _he _made my life a misery, I never found use for makeup. It would never survive the flood of tears that washed it down my face.

Putting on my flip flops, I ran downstairs and, after a quick goodbye exchanged from my parents, I got into my truck and drove down to the beach (Okay, I know that I was only 16 and it wasn't legal, but my dad said he knew the chief of police, and thought it would be okay) .

The drive wasn't that long, but even so, my mind quickly drifted to Paul - Like it always seemed to.

_" You BITCH! No wonder no one in their right minds would go out with you ..."_

You won't cry, Maia. You can't cry.

_" You'll end up alone Maia. No one want's you."_

Maia, please. Get a hold of yourself. This is irrational.

_" Your a fat, ugly whore. You are completely worthless! You make me SICK, Maia Shaw."_

That's when I couldn't help it any more. A lone tear fuzzed up my vision, before dribbling down my cheek.

I wiped it away feircely.  
>Unfortunately, I couldn't wipe away that twang of hurt stabbing my heart.<p>

Before I knew it, I was pulling up at the beach. I was relieved to say the least: this way I could take my mind off _him_. I got out of the truck slowly, and shut the door with caution, before I herd a large, booming voice. " HEY MAIA!"

I smiled smally and falsely at the guys, before they bounded up to me. Tyler grinned at me before pulling me into a hug. " We were waiting for you, you know. Where have you been missy?"

Sighing a tad, I embraced him back. " J - Just ... I'm sorry." I said sheepishly.

" It's okay honey." He smiled. I returned his smile, althoguh false, which obviously baffled him, so he must have bought it. I never really did smile normally .. and if I did, it always was shaky, or just a whisper of a sad, small smile, my lips only just twitching at the sides.

Suddenly, I felt burning hands pick me up and put me over a shoulder. I could tell who it was by the mere temperature.

" Seth what are you doing?" I asked - well, screamed.

He just laughed, and started running towards the sea. My breathing picked up dramatically as we headed towards the blanket or clear blue ocean.

" P- Please Seth! No!" I ... laughed? Why was I laughing? I never laugh .. not after _he _broke me.

Now Seth was knee-deep in the sea, and he carefully was starting to dip me into the water; the ends of my hair were getting wet now.

" Seth! What can I do to stop you drowning me?" I asked, amused. I could feel him grinning up above me, before finally replying.

" I think i'm going to need to tickle you!" He laughed happily.

"What? No -" I started, before he started tickling me, who was still upside down. " Brady! Collin! Ty! One of you help me!" I giggled to the shore, whilst they just grinned at me.  
>" No can do, honey!" Tyler laughed.<p>

After what seemed like ages, but what was in reality probably only a few minutes, Seth put me upright.  
>I smiled up at him. He always seemed so happy and sweet - I hoped we'd be fast friends.<br>I could see him responding back at me with a grin. " Aww, Maia, you're so cute! You're like a little doll -"

His nice words were cut off by my strangled gasp.  
>I had now turned to the cliffs, where I could see a few male figures and one female figure, and they were jumping ... What were they doing? Were they trying to commit suicide like I did a few months ago? - yes ... I did. I'm not proud of it. My nightmares were becoming unbearable .. I just -<p>

"Don't worry, they are just cliff diving. I can't believe Paul Walker has joined them hall monitors on steroids .." Seth grinned, distrupting my thoughts.

What?  
>They were all huge ... was one of them PAUL ? Oh no ... Oh no, oh no, oh no.<p>

When he got back to school, he'd be one of _them. _He'd be huge, and he could probably do a lot more damage ...

I tried to keep calm, although I was hyperventalating inside. What he had done a few weeks ago to my head would be nothing compared to what he could do now. I let out a low choking sound, that the guys back at shore couldn't hear.

" Maia?" Seth asked, worried. " What was that?" Seth was obviously reffering to the strangled noise I just made.

What was weird was, the figures seemed to hear the low shriek aswell, as they all turned round to stare.  
>All of them except the female had no shirt on, but that's all I could make out really. We were to far away to see anything more in detail.<p>

" I hate you Paul Walker .." I whispered, too low for the human ear. " You huge steroid-taking prick .."

Even though I had every reason to hate him, for some reason, I hated myself even more.

Seth didn't seem to look like he had heard it, but one of the figures started trembling with ... anger?

Only then I realised who it was. Only then did I recognise the anger laced in his posture. Paul.  
>Did he hear me?<br>I hoped to god he couldn't.  
>But I couldn't take the risk.<p>

" I ... I've got to go ..." I whispered to Seth, desparate to get away.

" But why?" Seth looked crestfallen. His face was contorted with hurt. Poor sweet guy obviously thought it was his fault I'd left.

" I ..." I choked out, trying to explain. " I've got to .. Sorry." I couldn't bear to see him look so sad, so I daringly kissed him on the cheek in a sisterly way before dashing out of the water, not looking back to see his beaming face.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me up to my truck. I heard a chorus of " Where are you going?"s and " We've only just got here"s before I climbed into my truck.

What a_ wonderful _day.

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><p><strong>Shitty chapter, I know. BUT, I am loving the reviews! I would be amazed if I got the same amount of reviews again ... It takes up just a few moments of your time, to give me warm, fuzzy feelings, and encoragement to go on with the story. By the way, the Paul imprint will be soon .. Any suggestions on how it should happen? And, by the way, do you like Seth's crush? Just want to know. Also, I might include a flashback of Maia's suicide attempt if you review ;D<br>By the way, I love each and every one of you,**

**CaitlinB54**

x


	4. Chapter 4: Suicidal attempts

**Maia POV**

I stood on the cliff edge, letting tears of pure agony seep from my eyes and stream down my flustered cheeks. I looked up to the sliver of amber moon hanging in the ink black night, and then glanced a greeting to the moons neighbours: the twinkling specs of diamond littered in the coal sky.  
>It was a beautiful yet eerie night - and I was ruining it.<br>I was hyperventilating: letting ripples of fear, pain, and negative adrenaline override my system.

I had just ran over 2 miles to get here : Just waking up from the most excruciating nightmare, I knew I couldn't bare it any longer.  
>The nightmares were getting worse, you see.<br>Much worse.  
>And it was all because of Paul.<p>

You must be stupid Maia. You must be worthless. Why would he be doing this otherwise? He's just making a point to you, showing you just how much of a waste of you are. Someone had to do it. it's **your **fault.

I shuddered heavily, looking over the edge. Such a long way down ... Death would be certain.  
>I should have been feeling scared : nerve wracked due to this reckless action I was about to commit, but ... I really wasn't.<br>Because, if I was numb inside, surely it would not hurt, tumbling down, crashing against the rocky cliff wall, and bleeding to death at the bottom?

I decided ; no, it would not. After years of hurt and anguish, i'd became numb to the pain ...  
>No.<br>That wasn't true.  
>I had never became numb to the pain. I had never spent a living moment breathing safely for years. I had never spent a minute without a thought of <strong>him<strong> causing another re-introducing of pain to my system, sending chaos through my weak and fragile body, and deep, deep despair into my heart. I had never spent a day not having an emotional breakdown; just collapsing to the floor and weeping out the hurt, that somehow would always worm it's way back into my soul again.

And that is why I was here: to put an end to this pain.

My dry lips tried to get out a word, but my voice box just wasn't reacting. I mouthed the word 'goodbye' as I took one last look at the scenery behind me. Goodbye to my parents, from whom i'd never feel another warm embrace, or one last kiss . Goodbye to Tyler, who had tried to pull me out of this Paul-induced rut, but wasted his time in his efforts - we both knew that trying was just us running a race that we could never win. Goodbye to Paul Walker, Jared Thail, and their silly 'posse' , who tried so hard to make my life a living hell. Well, consider them successful. But most of all, goodbye to this shitty life, and goodbye to this form that I am ashamed to call my own, and disgusted at when I look in the mirror.  
>Goodbye world.<p>

I slowly but surely stepped off the cliff edge, and closed my eyes tight, not wanting to see the scene unravelling before me.

Down, Down, Down I tumbled, doing sumersaults in the air. I felt free as a bird.  
>Y<em>ou'll have freedom soon, Maia.<em>

After hitting the cliff face many times before I felt a burning pair of arms wrap around me.

What the ...?

It had gone wrong the last time too: but instead of someone saving me, I survived the last time. It had been like cliff diving, much to my displeasure.

But now ... Someone was 'rescuing' me. Well, they might think they are.  
>I beg to differ.<p>

" Let me die .. please. " I whispered low, I didn't think he would hear me over the fierce, howling wind. These pair of arms held on even tighter now, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear, before whispering to me.

" I can't let you do that Maia."

Jared?  
>One of PAUL'S gang?<br>My heart was thumping fast, not because of the almost-plunging to my death experience, but because JARED was helping me! Why? Did Paul and him want to kill me them SELVES?

" W- What ? -" I whispered, shocked, before we plunged into the ice-cold waters beneath us.

Water hugged me like a deadly embrace.  
>Water stung my fragile face.<br>Water in my lungs,  
>Water choking my body,<br>And Water attacking my skin,  
>But what hurt the most<br>Was knowing that the tears I had cried in a lifetime  
>Had pained me more then this.<p>

I refused to re-emerge at the surface, I wanted nothing more then to die in this murky sea that Paul had dived into just hours before. Of course, Jared picked me up, fighting with me in the ocean as I writhed around, and tried to get free of his grasp. After I finally gave in to him, gave in to life, he began to carry me bridal style.

We were both caked with blood from head to toe as he walked.  
>My blood.<p>

"What were you thinking?" He asked me, pain evident in his voice. " D- Did you want to ..." He trailed off, not wanting to confirm it.  
>He looked down at me, and I could tell that he knew why I had done this.<p>

" Y ... Y-Yeah ..." I said in a small voice. " I - It's ... m- my fault. I'm ... s-sorry." I felt like I was reciting the things that Paul had made me say. " I'm a-always g-getting in your way ... and ... and Paul's. I -Is that why you ... h-hate me?" I asked, still so incredibly frightened of him, and .. it pained me to be this close to him, never mind talking to him.

" W- What? No I ... I don't hate you. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I never understood how you felt until I could hear you crying in the toilets, and hearing your heartbeat speed up whenever I came near you when I first became like this -" He started, before groaning at himself, and shutting up.

Becoming like this? and How could he hear me?

" Jar- Jared ... w- where .. are y-you t-taking ... me?" I realised that tears were flooding my face. Damn! Why was I so wimpy? Couldn't I just even hold a conversation with him ? !  
>I could feel Jared wince as a tear dripped onto his arm.<p>

" To Sam's. Everyone will be there ..." Jared muttered, not looking me in the eyes.

The rest of the journey was spent in an awkward silence, and, at that moment, I felt colder on the inside then I did on the outside.  
>I spent the whole silence trying to clear my head, and wonder what I was going to do when I met the horrid gaze of Paul Walker ..<p>

Jared didn't even bother to knock on the door of the home , he just simply went in the house. I was a bit surprised, but didn't say anything. " She was trying to kill herself ..." Jared mumbled, hanging his head in shame as he walked into the living room.

" Oh my god! Why?" A female voice practically shrieked, followed by another.

" Why would she want to do something like that?" I felt the other female rushed up to me.

I looked around, and saw a few muscly guys without shirts on, one of them I recognised as Embry Call, another as Sam Uley, and ... Paul Walker. I was practically disgusted with the site of him without his shirt on. Sure, he was muscly, but what he had done to me made it just ... Horrible to look at him like this.  
>Turning so he didn't have a chance to look at me in the eyes, I let out a whimper, before jumping out of Jareds arms awkwardly.<p>

" I'm Emily. Are you okay, sweetie?" A beautiful woman with three deep scarrs on her face asked me, handing me a cookie. I nibbled the cookie slightly, and gulped, before answering. " Y ... Y-yeah .."  
>Although I had put all my effort into NOT sounding pathetic, my voice let me down, coming out in a hoarse whisper.<p>

Of course, this woman held off for as long as she could, before asking "Why were you going to kill yourself, honey ?"

I didn't know how to reply ... not with _him _here.

" Death would suffice if it brings an end to this pain." I whispered, before proceeding automatically with the recited lines. I couldn't stop myself: whenever I feel guilty, I always say these words, as I've said them every single day since _he _broke me. " It's ... It's my fault ... i'm s-sorry. I ... I-I know I'm a... a b - bitch . and ... and a ... s-slut ... I shouldn't ... g-get in your way ... i'm ... worthless ... I know, i'm sorry Pau-" I froze when I realised that I accidentally let Paul's name leak into these lines that he made me recite day after day...

The air was filled with an undeniable tension. I could taste the suspense.

I let yet another tear escape from my eyes, wondering about the outcome of this scenario. Maybe I didn't need to wait to long for death ..

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><p><strong>Hope you like this update! Might have left it on a tiny cliff hanger ... which is ironic considering she was jumping off the cliff at the start of the chapter. Anyway, the imprinting will start VERY soon!<br>Also, 33 Reviews for 3 chapters? That really is amazing. Maybe I could get 11 reviews on this chapter ...? They make me feel fuzzy :)**

And imaginary cookies for:

lilmaher : started reading when I'd finished chapter 3 but still reveiwed all 3 chapters!  
>ajaxmom, wErEwOlFfAn101, Kaylee631252 , Twiwolf347, hanny445 , vaaaal , TheWitchTwins - you all get cookies too for reviewing my last filler chapter!<p>

And on that note, Read, Review, and reccomend!

CaitlinB54

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	5. Chapter 5: To imprint on the broken

**Last time**

_" Death would suffice if it brings an end to this pain." I whispered, before proceeding automatically with the recited lines. I couldn't stop myself: whenever I feel guilty, I always say these words, as I've said them every single day since he broke me. " It's ... It's my fault ... i'm s-sorry. I ... I-I know I'm a... a b - bitch . and ... and a ... s-slut ... I shouldn't ... g-get in your way ... i'm ... worthless ... I know, i'm sorry Pau-" I froze when I realised that I accidentally let Paul's name leak into these lines that he made me recite day after day..._

_The air was filled with an undeniable tension. I could taste the suspense._

_I let yet another tear escape from my eyes, wondering about the outcome of this scenario. Maybe I didn't need to wait to long for death ..._

* * *

><p><strong>Maia POV<strong>

Piercing, seemingly judgeful eyes lingered on me.  
>No, no, NO! What had I done! Paul was going to hurt me now. He was going to get revenge ... Big time.<em><br>_I gulped, and let out a strangled sob, before slowly bringing my head up to meet Pauls eyes. They held remorse, fear, and sympathy one second, and the next, he was looking at me like I was a goddess. His chocolate brown irises held so much emotion in that moment, that it was hard to dechiper the emotions separately. It seemed like a man drawing his first breath, and entering a whole new world, where he had no gravity, and no one mattered, not even himself ... Just me. I flinched noticeably under his burning gaze: it was making my skin crawl.

" Don't hurt me." I whispered slowly. " Please."  
>He didn't seem to hear me for a moment. He just let his eyes bore into my own.<br>I could tell that the look on my face was a deadly mixture of fear and horror, laced with a hatred.  
>Hatred for him: He had reduced me to this ... mess. This quivering wreck, this ugly ghost of a person ... this waste of skin, waste of oxygen.<br>Hatred to Jared: He made my life hell just to please PAUL! Why? Was taking a human life and replacing it with a mere shell something he was PROUD of? something he wanted to show off?  
>But the hatred was deeper then that - This was hatred for the girl in the mirror.<br>This girl in the mirror couldn't stand up for herself at this moment.  
>This girl couldn't accuse Paul of all those monstrous things he'd done.<br>This girl couldn't rant at him for hours at what he'd reduced her to, and demand that he'd tell her why he was staring at her with such a loving intensity, after he'd stared at her with nothing but hatred for years.  
>Because this girl wasn't me.<br>I had left with the wind, dancing with myth, and things that had only once been, all too long ago.  
>But what was I now reader? What was I now other then the shy girl in the corner? The broken toy long forgotten, deep in the bottom of the toy box?<br>I was nothing.  
>And it hurt so much.<br>It killed me every day that I couldn't be what I wanted to be - what I had been.  
>It killed me that I could never be good enough to escape <em>his <em>fearsome wrath.  
>And that's why I just sat there, sitting in the screaming silence of hell, drowning in self pity and ice-cold fear, waiting for him to be snapped out of his almost hypnotic state, and just <strong>get on <strong>with the torture.

Everyone gave eachother knowing looks, and I was out of the loop.

" Maia .." He whispered,more to himself. it seemed so strange rolling off his tongue without his voice being drenched with a venom-filled hiss. It seemed, strangely enough, that he planned to worship that name, considering the newly found adoration he seemed to have for me. I grimaced at him, cowering.

" Don't hurt me." I repeated, firmer this time. I was astounded at how ... unpathetic I sounded in that moment. Well, unpathetic for my standards. My voice didn't crack once - but the words were coated with a distinct fear. I was frightened - no, terrified.  
>What was wrong with him? Why was he looking at me like this?<p>

Paul seemed to hear them words, and some realisation seemed to dawn on him on who I actually was. He had been soaring, flying in a daze, but now pain distorted his face, crashing over him like the merciless sea, drowning him in the process. Oh the irony. We had both came close to drowning that fateful day. Only I wanted it. I would have thrived on me taking my last breathe, feeling the icy cold ocean attack my skin. Because at least, in them moments, I didn't feel the emotional pain as much. He looked like he was struggling to keep his head above water, trying to make some good of this situation. Of course, nothing but bad could come from this.

" Maia ... I- I'm so ... so so so so sorry ... I - I can't believe I done this and -" He babbled, until Embry growled at him, it made him sound so ... animalistic. I couldn't tell it was even Embry.

" You DON'T hurt girls Paul! You NEVER hurt girls! what's WRONG with you?" He snapped, sounding more beast then human. I cowered, eyes wide as saucers, watching the scene unfold. " THIS is the girl I saw in your thoughts! I thought you were hoping to get back to her 'cos you digged her or something! But ... But this? LOOK at her bruises! Did THEY come from you too?"

I'd never seen anyone so angry in my life. Embry was shaking with tremors of white hot rage. I flinched away from the tone in his voice. Paul just hung his head in shame, absorbing Embry's scolding, every now and again glancing at me to drink in my appearance -  
>Wait ... the girl he saw in his thoughts?<p>

**Paul POV  
><strong>

" T - T ... Thoughts?" My beautiful Maia asked in a small voice. Everyone froze.  
>My imprint hung her head, avoiding to meet anybodies eyes.<br>Man, she was a goddess, a miracle of human genetics, a beautiful porcelain doll, delicate , and could be broken with a single touch ...

_She's already broken, you monster. You don't deserve her as your imprint. Hell, you don't even deserve to imprint after what you've done._

I let out a strangled sob.  
>When I had imprinted on <em>my<em> Maia, life itself crumbled to the ground, and was rebuilt better and brighter then ever.  
>But then, when I heard her voice, her beautiful, angelic voice, I was crestfallen.<br>" Don't hurt me." She had said in a small voice. It was firmer then her voice had ever sounded in a long time.  
>She thought I would hurt her.<br>I stared at her beauty, and died inside.

Her rich chocolate brown hair, laced with natural honey-gold and coal black highlights was coated with a deep Burgundy liquid ... _blood.  
><em>Usually, it would cascade graciously down her back, but it was clumped together by mud, seawater, and the dark red life supply that was supposed to be running through her veins, not in her hair. _  
><em>Peircing blue eyes flecked with a magnificent silver were rimmed with a puffy red, and filled with fear and horror, tears brimming over the edges.  
>Her clothes clung to her beautiful body, emphasising her tiny curves, and yet making me realise how thin she was ... it was almost as if she wasn't eating properly ...<br>Wait. About a year ago, she had luscious curves.  
>Oh God. I never noticed how thin she was getting before.<br>As I drunk in her appearance, every single second made it harder for me to breathe.  
><strong>I <strong>had caused this.  
>I ignored her probing question, like the rest of us did, and glanced to the cookie Emily had given her.<br>A single , tiny bite had been taken out of it.  
>It was like she hadn't even recognised the sensational taste.<br>... Was she eating properly? Had ... Had I driven her to an eating disorder?

_" Maia Shaw, you are a FAT. UGLY. WHORE!"_

_" Hmm ... seems you've already tried comfort eating. It shows. Never knew you could be even uglier."_

_" Cut back on the donuts .. and whilst your at it, put a paper bag over your face."_

Thoughts of all the horrible things I had said to her raced through my mind ... oh shit.  
>I didn't even know why I had done it -<br>She _rejected _me ..  
>I didn't like it. I mean, she was the only girl I had ever thought of as beautiful , and not just hot. She was <em>different<em>. I didn't know how to ask her out, so I thought I could just ask her out the way I did with the other girls ..  
>And - And when she rejected me, and SLAPPED me .. and, then she called me pathetic .. the first ever girl to call me pathetic. I bullied her to prove to everyone that I wasn't. I wanted to prove to her that there wasn't anything wrong with me, it was just <em>her<em>. And then ... I got carried away. I couldn't stop. I needed to show her I didn't want her - that I didn't need her.  
>Karma is a bastard.<p>

_Karma? look closer to home to find the bastard! YOUR IMPRINT IS AFRAID OF YOU!_

God it hurt. It was like I couldn't breathe. _I'd_ bullied her into a deep depression. No, more then deep. Like she was in the deepest, darkest depths of the ocean.  
><em>I'd<em> broken her. She was like a shattered china doll - her delicate heart and beautiful soul smashed into millions of pieces.  
><em>I <em>was the bastard.

And now she was going to get closer to _Seth Clearwater. _He had a crush on MY imprint! - Oh my God, she KISSED HIM! Shit! Shit! Shit! SHIT!

" M- Maia? W - Why ? ...!" I choked. Every single detail was rushing through my brain at maximum speed, making me feel dizzy. I couldn't believe I had just imprinted on Maia Shaw.  
>Did I regret it?<br>No. I could never regret imprinting on her. She was beautiful and fragile, in both body and soul. Despite being caked in mud, blood, and god knows what else, she was still the most beautiful creature I had ever had the honour to see.

She looked at me dead in the eyes for a moment, and looked away suddenly, making me feel empty.  
>She graced my name upon her lips "Paul Walker." Her voice was so quiet, I knew that she didn't mean for us to hear. "I. hate. you."<br>Her voice was merely a whisper, but the words rang loud and clear in my head, numbing my mind. The words were not filled with venom, just a sad, mournful tone. However, my heart was burning as if it had been drenched with the venom that was supposed to fill her words. To be honest, it would have hurt less if she was angry. Then, at least I could be punished. It'd make me feel better that I was getting scolded for the things I done.  
>However, this was more then enough punishment.<br>She wasn't bitter towards me. That would have been easier to live with.  
>She was <em>scared<em> of me.  
>How could I protect her from all the scary things when she was scared of <em>me<em>?

But what she mumbled next made my heart break. "I hate myself."

I was going to show her I had changed. I was going to show her how much she's worth.  
>She may think she's worthless, but she means the world to me.<p>

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><p><strong>I am SO sorry for not updating in a long time. I don't have any excuse other then writers block. Therefore, I can't seem to keep writing ' Discovering Ellie May Price ' , ' Dear past, how did you find me?', and ' loving you.' However, I will get started on them updates straight away!<strong>

Back to this story, may I just say I am honoured; 51 reviews so far, and 16 for the last chapter! I love you all. I'll give shout-outs in next chapter for all who review, and a virtual cookie. You give me a fuzzy, warm feeling inside! Thank you!

CaitlinB54  
>x<p> 


	6. Chapter 6: To succombe to death

**Maia POV**

I woke up in my bed, earning myself a cup full of confusion.  
>How did I get back here?<br>... Did I even leave?  
>Was it all a dream?<br>...N- No, I decided ; It couldn't have been. It was all _to_ real. Those **_MUD_** brown eyes boring into my own, with such an intensity ... Such an adoration and caring ...  
>Physically shuddered at the thought of him, I realised that I wasn't just scared - no, TERRIFIED of him, He also disgusted me. deep in my gut.<br>The thought of us, together, was making me feel physically sick.  
>He made me lose everything - lose myself.<br>I couldn't even _look _at myself in the mirror without nearly gagging.  
>And i'd <em>never <em>forgive him.

I sighed, and sluggishly got out of bed, questions still racing through my mind. Passing the vanity mirror was the hardest thing I had ever done - even jumping off that cliff wasn't as bad, because I thought there would be relief at the end. Nothing could free me of this horrific body, though.  
>I felt ugly. So, so ugly.<br>Like a monster.  
>God, I felt so ... so alone.<br>Pain sliced me like a knife, re-opening them tender emotional wounds.

Almost automatically, I went to the bathroom and knelt by the toilet.

_Ugly. FAT. Whore._

But now, all I could remember was that wretched word drumming into my fragile mind ...  
><em><br>FAT._

I plunged two fingers down my throat, trembling. Tears streamed down my face by the second.

_Get thinner. Maybe then you won't be so disgusting to look at.  
>I wonder if your mother could love THAT MUCH of you. Bitch.<em>

I started gagging on my fingers.  
>No matter how long i'd been doing this for, it still felt so wrong. It hurt so much.<p>

Hot, disgusting, burning liquid attacked my throat, threatening to spill into the toilet. It filled my mouth, before I spit it out

Deep down, I knew it was wrong. It had been wrong for along time. Doing this repeatedly, again and again - it didn't make me feel better.  
>But I didn't care about feeling better now. Nothing could help me. I was a lost cause.<br>No, I didn't care about getting better.  
>I just wanted to get skinnier.<p>

I wish someone could just understand why I felt this pain. This loneliness.  
>I wish somebody could understand why I didn't like myself.<br>But no one could get inside my head.  
>No one could feel this excruciating hurt.<br>**I just want to like myself.  
><strong>But, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't.

I sighed, and let myself wretch into the toilet bowl.

**I want it off.**

5 pounds. 10 pounds. 15 pounds. I had 20 pounds to go.

_No one will love you with THAT body. _Paul's voice rung through my head. T_ry losing 50 pounds. Maybe then you won't look like a bloated whale!_

I'm trying Paul. Can't you see? Just 20 pounds to go.

No matter how disgusted I was with Paul, I knew I was far more disgusted with myself.  
>But, who was me? I'd changed to much to know the answer. But the girl in the mirror did resemble whoever I was <em>before<em>. Slightly.  
>I wished I was still that happy go lucky, strong willed girl.<br>I knew I couldn't get her back, though.

Funny how, when the pounds slipped away, I felt less and less of a person. I didn't feel like a human any more.  
>Maybe I wasn't human any more. Maybe I couldn't be labeled as a species when I felt like half of a soul - half of a heart, and half of a mind. I'd lost the other halfs on month 3. Month 3 of this torture.<br>Crying silently in shadow.  
>Living constantly in fear.<br>Everyone so far away from me, although they were so near.  
>Just out of reach.<br>I tried to reach , every single day - Honestly, I did.  
>But my muscles graced me with a cold shoulder - they ignore my desperate pleas.<br>I was wondering if my body would ever let me open up to someone - _anyone.  
><em>Just so I didn't feel so alone.

I know your probably disgusted with my behaviour - disgusted with me.  
>I know I was a mess. I hope you didn't think that I was a attention seeker, drowning in self pity. Actually, I guess maybe I was. Well, that's how Paul taught me to think of myself as.<br>But I did appreciate what I had - a loving mother, Tyler, and his friends. I guess they were my friends too now. Especially Seth ...  
>But it didn't dull this pain by much.<p>

And that's why I done this. That's why I was killing me with myself.  
>To dull the pain that coursed through my body every single minute of every single day.<br>Funny how physical pain helps dull mental pain. Funny how I would prefer physical daggers then emotional daggers that Paul twists through my stomach. Because _Pauls _daggers ridicule, chastise, belittle and degrade me, leaving scarring for a lifetime, and don't let me end my misery. Tearing my mind, body and soul to shreds is all that Paul's daggers do.  
>But, a razor sharp knife would suffice me well. A clean, sharp, fate bringing stab, cutting off all senses beffore I had to deal with the pain - the outcome.<p>

To live no more,  
>To be no more<br>and to _feel **no more**_.

That would satisfy me.  
>I'd be eternally grateful just to die.<br>Not die inside, like I had millions of times before.  
>I wanted to bring an end to my being.<p>

Unfortunately, I was prevented from doing that last night. Jared had found me ... There were to many obsticles in my way ...

" Oh god." I whispered, a light bulb metaphorically appearing in my head. All rational thoughts were out of the window now. All I knewwas that I could stop this undeniable pain, surely and swiftly, without any distractions.

My bulimic rampage came to an abrupt halt.  
>It was no longer bathing the emotional scarrs.<br>Besides, I had no time to waste.  
>And alot of pain to get rid of ..<p>

I knew what I was going to do to completely remove those emotional, ugly scars.  
>And I had to do it now.<p>

In a matter of mere moments, I took off for a sharp razor from the shower.

" Cummon ..." I breathed frustratedly. " Where is it?" I searched.  
>I ran to the basket above the sink, and shakily opened a box of brand new ones.<p>

" Yes ..." I sighed. I wasn't even preparing myself for death.

I just had to make it quick and painless, like peeling off a band aid.

I took it forcefully in my had and quickly raised it to my juglar vein.  
>No one could stop me now.<br>Not Jared Thail, the guy who had 'rescued me' last night.  
>Goodbye.<br>Not Tyler Hopkins , my best friend. My amazing, gentle best friend.  
>Bye Ty, i'll never forget you.<br>Not mum, or the beautiful, happy-go-lucky, Seth Clearwater.  
>Bye mum. I love you. And bye Seth. I wish I could've gotten to know you, and maybe, maybe I could've fallen in love with you.<br>Not _Paul.  
><em>Oh well. Good BYE ASSHOLE!

I was so absorbed in my self wallowing, and doing things unnatural just to suffice the urge, that will heal emotional scars and kill off my senses, that I didn't hear the door of my bedroom creak open. I didn't hear the sounds of anguish they made when they heard me sobbing. Only when the door swung open did I finally realise I wasn't alone.

A mouth hung agape as they stared at me. " Oh my God." They whispered. " I - I knew it ... Please , DON'T!" they lunged for the razor blade.  
>Only they wern't quick enough.<p>

I was already sick of his voice. I was a prisoner of my own being. A prisoner to him.  
>But now I would be freed.<p>

" Bye Paul." I smiled a small, sad and yet venomous smile, before slicing the jugular vein 7 times ... And then everything went black.  
>I must've been in heaven.<br>I couldn't feel a thing.  
>That was all i'd ever wanted.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>So sorry i stopped it by there .. It's a short chapter, but one of my favourites! Any idea's of what's gunna happen next? I've got alot of outcomes, if you want to help, just put an idea for a possible outcome for the next chapter in a review.<br>OMG , by the way. 15 reviews for the last chapter - I feel so loved! All of you who reviewed get a cookie! Okay, best idea in a review ( i got writers block) will get credit for the next chapter, a shout out, and , whatever suggestions they want in the future, I will make sure I do.**

**By the way, this chapter and the previous suicide attempt chapter contained some serious issues. This story is supposed to cover many phsycological issues throughout ( which it will).  
>And be warned, I might switch rating up to M in VERY later chapters, but they'll be ones where there will be a chapter here and there which doesn't have any major plot points, just lemons, so you could just skip that chapter. Hope that's okay.<strong>

**Much love,  
>CaitlinB54<br>x**

**P.s, I didn't have time to edit and re-read this chapter - sorry if some doesn't make any sense x**  
>, all my other twilight stories are back on track, and a new SethxOC story will be out soon called ' The beauty of Lila' . Let me tell you, it'll be the sweetest story you'll have ever read - seriously.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7: Deathly Dreams

**Heya, i'm really sorry I haven't updated in a while, i've had things on my mind. This chapter wont make up for it - I hate this chapter, infact. But really, it's just a filler, okay? I mean, approx 1000 words :D**

Paul POV

Wires - peircing her fair skin.  
>Knives - peircing my dying heart.<p>

I watched her for what seemed like forever in this hospital, hearing her uneven heartbeat jolt every so often. Tears made my eyes constantly glassy, and, despite however much I tried, I couldn't help the fact that some of them spilled over.  
>All of the pack was here, trying to console me (with the exception of Jake, Embry, and Quil, who just came to make me feel worse) , but I still felt lonely.<p>

After all, how could you not when you were losing your other half?

I was lost in a deep, dark abyss, and I stopped fighting to get out of it hours ago. Now I was hurtling downwards, but the pit of pain was never ending. I was glad that I was hurting though. Maybe then I would feel a miniscule amount of the agony my imprint was feeling.

" Paul ..." Sam tried to console me again. " You ... You didn't know ... " He tried to finish the sentance off, but failed amazingly. Everyone in this room knew that it was my fault.  
>And Maia knew it only too well.<p>

I realised that I was trembling, tremours of distress roaming around my body.

I glanced at Embry , Jacob and Quil, who looked at me in disgust. They shot daggers at me, and I could almost hear what they were thinking, even without the pack mind.

_You monster._

God, just remembering what she'd done to herself killed me. she had cut herself so many times in them few seconds, slicing her juglar vein again and again, as many times as she possibly could before fainting. It's like she wanted to decapitate herself ... knowing her, she probably did.

Just the look of her tore, messy vein, stabbed me in the gut with a dangerous force.

Then, suddenly, thoughts over-rided my brain.  
>Bad, bad thoughts.<br>An Icy fear washed over me.

What if she never woke up?  
>What if she died here?<br>What if - ?

I snarled viciously before I could think of any more disgusting thoughts, barely keeping control of my human form. I knew I was more wolf then man at the moment. And soon my body would show it.

" Paul, OUTSIDE." Sam commanded, using an authorative edge.

" Yeah Paul," Jacob sneered. " Maia wouldn't want the person she wanted to DIE because of, to be the first person she see's when she wakes up."

His voice was so full of hatred .. I didn't blame him. I hated me too.

I started shuffling remorcefully out of the room, until I heard my Maia's voice carress my ears.  
>At first she was groaning in agony, and I spun around, racing to my imprints side, worried.<p>

Was she alright?  
>Was she in pain?<p>

It stung a little that I knew she was, but that was only a little black shadow, of which wasn't comparable to the big gleaming light of hope I now felt.

She WOULD be okay.  
>And now, i'd never let her go.<p>

I stared intently at my imprint, as did everyone else in the room.  
>She was just so ... beautiful. So amazingly beautiful ...<p>

Then, It all happened so quickly.

My Maia's face contorted in pain. Her back arched, and she writhed in pure and utter agony. Everyone Eyes fluttering, A haunting shriek passed her lips, echoing around the building.

Everyone froze in their spots.

That scream would torment us all forever, lingering in our very cores.

**Maia's POV**

I felt so happy. I was finally gone, my emotions no longer a burden, and I had been set free of my human body. Exploding joy caressed my senses, as a pure white took over. I seemed to be swimming in a beautiful, pure and honest energy, and I loved every moment of it.  
>Little did I know, that this purity I felt would soon be replaced with fear, and I would be placed in a terrifying battle for survival.<br>The pure white energy washed away, and soon I was in a medow.  
>Frowning at the new, unfamiliar surroundings, I tiptoed carefully around, examining this new place.<p>

" Maia, it wasn't your time to go." A deep, male voice came from behind me.

I snapped my head round, to see a man. He was beautiful in in body, but his sick , twisted , smile said otherwise in the soul department. His eyes were contact lenses of coal black, embeded in a brilliant silver. And they were hungry.

" W-Who are you?" I asked, stuttering unforgivingly. I was showing weekness...  
>And, by lord, he knew it - the pure, guilty pleasure on his face when my face went pale said it all.<p>

" Just call me ... Mara." He grinned.

Honey gold locks carressed his pasty white forehead. They were covered in something ... it seemed a reddy brown colour.

I looked to the rest of his body.  
>The reddy brown, crusty dry liquid was everywhere on his body ..<p>

It was blood.  
>Dried blood.<p>

" W... Wh... W-Why?" I stammared, gesturing to the blood all over him.  
>Sickness and entertainment washed over his face, as he stepped aside.<p>

Behind him were corpses, lying mangled and deformed, their expressions hauntingly gawmless. I took a step back.

I knew why I was here.  
>He was a predator.<br>And , all of these people were his prey.  
>Of course, it didn't take a genuis to work out that I was next ...<p>

" Maia." he cooed, devilishly. " Don't you want to stay for dinner?"

I shrieked, trying to drown out his voice, but I could just make out what he was saying.

" I'm coming for you Maia."

...

I jolted up, to see Paul and his steroid crew towering over me.  
>" Are you okay Maia? God, i'm so sorry ... What have I done? So, SO sorry ..." Paul rambled on.<p>

I knew he was apolagising, but his voice still made me flinch.

In that moment, I knew realised something.

No matter what Paul Walker done, no matter what he said to make up for everything, I'd still be afraid of him.  
>I'd guess i'd just have to live with it.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8: 3 New lifelines

**Maia's POV**

I immediately ducked under the covers, trying to get away from Pauls burning gaze. The room went silent, apart from 3 distinct snickers from the other side of the room. I heard Paul sigh heavily.

"Maia ... P-Please ..." The words were coated with desperation and pleading, but I couldn't see what I was doing wrong - should I show remorse from being scared?

I replied to him with in cowardice, with complete and utter silence.  
>God, I wished I could have told him what I really wanted.<br>I wanted to scream at him with aall the hatred I could muster , tell him how much I hated him for making me hate myself. I wanted to ask him what was so wrong with me, that he had to hurt me because of it.  
>I wanted answers.<br>But, typical me. I just didn't have the guts to do anything about it. It'd take something drastic before I could even think about confronting him.

" Please Maia.. I- I'm sorry. S-So sorry ..." He tried again, choking. Slow but sure, I re-surfaced from under the sheets, and tried to look up at him.  
>Quickly though, I averted my gaze, feeling too uncomfortable to meet his passionate eyes.<p>

" J-Just ... Just s-stay away from me .." I whispered, turning around. Tears dribbled down my face, and I closed my eyes, hoping that when I re-opened them, _he'd_ be gone.

It felt like pain was Paul's aura, surrounding me whenever he was close enough. That empty, unbearable pain would fill me to the brim, until I would burst with the incredible force. My heart and soul were broken, intertwined with the pain, until I couldn't decipher which was which.

I didn't really understand the lashes that the world dealt me.  
>What was wrong with me?<br>What had I done that had been so unforgiving, that I had been given Paul as my punishment?

" N-No ... No, it's not supposed to be like this!" Paul gasped, grasping my hand with an agonising might.

_Crunch. _I could feel the bones shatter in my skin, turning them to dust.

Yelping lightly, I jumped, taken aback. Had he actually hurt me here, with all of these people around?

"PAUL, LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU WANKER!" Embry Call bellowed, causing me to flinch. I think that the two beside him were growling at Paul.  
>" Woman beater.. "One of them snarled, disgusted.<p>

I was still in a daze.  
>My hand was throbbing erratically with pain. It felt like my wrist was being licked with white hot flames, radiating from the core of my bone.<p>

_He's ... he's broken my wrist.  
>He's actually broken my wrist.<em>

"Maia ... I am so sorry ... So, so sorry ... Please .. Maia .." Paul pleaded.  
><em><br>He's actually broken a bone.  
>An actual break in my actual bone.<em>

I shook my head, scared, whimpering.

"Ugh ... I just ... I just want you to love me, god dammit! " He growled, angry at the world. Then, realising what he had just said, his eyes widened. I choked, looking at him in disgust.  
>The guy who had shattered all of my hopes and dreams wanting me to LOVE him?<br>What could make this worse?

" I-I love you. " He continued, digging himself further and further into a hole.  
>Oh dear God.<br>It really could get worse.

The room's silence was excruciating. No one said a word, no one even could flinch at the odd obscurity this .. This joke. This incredibly sick , twisted joke.

I gawped at him in complete and utter disbelief.  
>Scared stiff, I managed to choke out "No."<p>

" W ... What?" He stammered, bewildered. I could feel every single pair of eyes on me, waiting in anticipation for an elaboration.

" No." I whispered again. "No. No, No, No, No, NO!" I said in a small voice, getting louder and louder by the word. I was pretty sure I had finally cracked. " NO! NO, NO, NO! G-G- GET OUT!"

My mind went hazy. He couldn't expect me to love him. I hated him, almost as much as I hated myself.  
>Hate.<br>Hate, Hate, Hate.

" Maia ... Maia l- look .." Paul looked crushed, but I couldn't actually pay attention to _his _fucked up feelings anymore.  
>I had snapped.<br>I couldn't concentrate on anything. The pain in my wrist, the pain of everyday, and the obscene words of Paul were all mushed together, and it was hard to tell which was which.

He'd killed me a thousand times, and yet I would still live. He could shatter my soul, and i would still go on. And he could shatter my heart, and it would still beat.  
>However, I wouldn't live for <em>him.<em> I wouldn't go on for _him._ And no way would my heart beat for_ him_.

I was gasping for air, gulping, and looking everywhere and anywhere, with a crazed look in my eye.

" Get out! Just leave ... leave me alone!" I cried, shaking my head.

" NO!" He bellowed, making me flinch. " I mean ... I- .. I-"

I had cut him off with a high-pitched scream. I stood up, shaking, before shouting " FUCK YOU PAUL! I'VE BEEN SCARED FOR YEARS OF **YOU** ! I HATE YOU, I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, AND I HATE MYSELF! YOU **MADE **ME HATE MYSELF! WHAT HAVE YOU ACHIEVED BY DOING THESE THINGS?" Paul could barely stand, the weight of my words crashing down on him.  
>But I didn't care.<p>

"AND NOW, YOUR VISITING ME IN HOSPITAL, WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE I WANTED TO ESCAPE FROM! THAT'S WHY I'M IN HERE! TELLING ME YOU WANT ME TO LOVE YOU, AND THAT YOU LOVE ME, WITHIN MINUTES OF BREAKING MY HAND!"

Paul's eyes were full to the brim with tears of heart-renching agony.  
>But I didn't care.<p>

"WELL PAUL, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" My mind was in such a daze, that my brain only registered what I had yelled a few moments after the last word was spoken. I put my hand over my mouth, wishing I could take all the words back, so he wouldn't hurt me as much.  
>What had I done?<p>

I could almost feel his knuckles connecting with my pale, fragile face ..

I brought my knees to my chest, and hid my face, preparing for the worst. My eyes were hurting from the tears, and my head was hurting from information over-load.  
>I felt so vulnerable. So insecure.<br>So ..._pathetic..  
><em>  
>I wished and prayed that I wouldn't die, or live. I wished I was just .. stopped. No consciousness aware of the suffering. No pain, neither physical or mental. No .. just No me.<p>

Suddenly, the door slammed, and the room shook. Looking up reluctantly, I saw that only three giant men remained in the room. Recognising one of them as Embry, I realised that they were the ones who had growled at Paul.

" Are .. Are you okay?" Embry asked, worry and concern embedded in his tone. I shook my head immediately, eyes closed.

I felt my chest heaving as I wrapped my arms around my knees, before yelping as my throbbing broken wrist burned viciously.

A soothing warmth spread around me, and I realised that one of Embry's friends was hugging me.

" He ... He's just SUCH a dick!" The guy said, embracing me tighter. I flinched at the physical contact, and his grip loosened. "Sorry," He smiled sheepishly. "I'm Quil, and that is Jacob." He gestured to another of Embry's friends.

I responded with a small smile, although I felt a raging sea of hopelessness and fear crashing against my insides, after what had just happened.

_You brought it upon yourself.  
>Your useless.<em>

I Hate Paul.  
>I hate myself.<br>I hate all of this hate that I have inside.

My smile soon diminished, leaving the quivering wreck underneath to show.

" I ... I just .. c-can't take it .. a-anymore ..." I whispered, not looking up. I felt ashamed with myself. I was disgusting.  
>Quil put his fingers under my chin, and tilted my head up.<p>

" Well, now you won't have to. We are going to be your personal body guards." Quil smiled triumphantly. I couldn't believe that these guys were being so nice to me. I was an absolute mess. "We are going to take care of you in school, and keep him away from you, and buy you things to make you feel better, and take you places -" Quil rambled, before Jacob cut him off.

" We want to help her, not scare her!" He grinned, punching Quils arm lightly.

I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning back into my pillow.

" By the way" Embry added. " We should probably get that wrist looked at. It's broken."

I sighed shakily, hoping that these guys could save me from myself.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I have been having to do a lot of things. being in year 7 (12 years old, remember?) ,<br>I have only just got used to homework, and adding this into the schedule has been tough.  
>But, if I get 10+ reviews for this chapter, I'll be able to update within the week. Of course, my story probably isn't good enough to reach that much, but reviews make me feel fuzzy :)<strong>

Thanks' for reading,

CaitlinB54  
>x<p> 


	9. Chapter 9: Resiting Recovery Road

**Maia's POV**

" N-No, please guys. I-It's okay. **I'm** okay." I begged Jake, Quil, and Embry, who were dragging me to Jake's truck.  
>Only last week had Dr. Cullen put my wrist in a cast, thanks to the one and only<em> Paul Walker.<br>_Now, after hearing the whole story, my new found body gaurds were ordering me to go to a special group for "People like me" today.  
>I didn't need any help.<br>I didn't _want _any help.

They told me that it was Paul's fault, and now I had to get better - regain control of myself, and stop my obsession with weight.

What did they know?  
>I don't have any weight obsessions.<br>I'm totally fine.

_No your not. If anything, you need to lose weight - Paul was right, fat-ass._

" Maia, you need to find out that you aren't alone - there is people to help, you know." Quil soothed.  
>Jacob put his arm around me, and added " Maybe these people can get you back to your former self, eh? We know you'd be much happier."<p>

_You don't deserve to be happy, Maia. You've brought this upon youreself._

" But I- I'm fine." I protested weekly.  
>" Maia, we just want to help you - please let us?" Embry smiled smally, a glimmer hope in his sad eyes.<br>" T-There's nothing wrong with my weight - I can handle this myself!" I groaned, exasperated.  
>" Your 15 and Dr. Cullen told us that from looking at you, he could tell you were quite underweight. " He retorted in the softest way possible.<p>

I glanced over my baggy clothes, which hung loosely off of my body.  
>I was too fat to have an eating disorder. I felt obese, even.<br>_You don't deserve too eat. That flubber on your body will keep you alive long enough. _Pauls voice echoed through my head, stinging a little.

I felt absolutely terrible, worthless.

"We're taking that silence as an 'okay' to going to an eating disorder recovery group today! We're going to get you back to normal!" Quil grinned, Picking me up and spinning me in the air, being careful of my cast. I stiffled a giggle, before he quickly shoved me into the back of the truck and sat beside me. Embry sat in the front, and Jake started the car.

The right there was filled with a silence that wasn't entirely awkward - it gave me a chance to think, nonetheless.

I didn't care how sick I looked - not anymore. I just wanted to be in control of something for once.  
><em><strong>Paul <strong>_couldn't control my weight.

But, did I have an eating disorder?  
>Of course I didn't.<br>I was **fine.**

My body would never actually make me think "I'm hungry." Just because I didn't have appetite didn't make me have an eating disorder.

The truck stopped, and Quil took my hand and squeezed it, before pulling me out of the truck. We were standing outside a big, menacing white building. The words on the building in bold red letters read **" Seattle Psychiciatric hospital"** .  
>I looked at my personal body-gaurds as if to say ' Let me go back - I don't want to go in there.' but they ignored me, and practically dragged my frail body in through the doors, and into a waiting room. Embry went up towards the desk, asking the lady where the eating disorder wing was. She mumbled a few directions, and pointed up a dark corridor.<p>

" Will you be okay?" Jake asked sincerly. I mumbled something incoherent.  
>Suddenly Jake placed his warm hands on each sholder, and shook me as gently as possible. " Honey, you will get better. You'll thank us for this in the future." His eyes glimmered with hope for me.<br>I wasn't worth his concern.  
>I looked away from his optimistic eyes.<p>

Before Jake had chance utter another word, Embry walked swiflty away from the desk, and gestured us to follow him up the corridor. We haulted at an off white door numbered 27. I tentitively twisted the doorknob, and the door creaked open. I peered through, and there were many girls sitting in a circle. They were all the same - they all were skin and bone, with a far off look in their eyes. Layers and layers of baggy clothes were wrapped around them - and yet, they all looked so disgustingly thin.  
>These girls had a problem - not me.<br>I didn't even stop to think about my baggy clothes, or my blue-tinged nails.  
>I didn't stop to think of those horrible times where I would hide food under my bed to lose weight.<br>I didn't stop to think of them times where I would purge everything I ate.

Because, I didn't look like these girls .. did I?

Jake nudged me forward into the room - I stumbled inside, and my three body gaurds followed after for moral support.  
>No one spoke a word, or even acknowledged we were there.<br>The room silent, apart from the nervous jutters that made it impossible to hide the mental breakdowns in the's girls heads.

No, I wasn't like these girls.  
>I was fine.<p>

Soon, a slightly underweight woman waltzed into the room. She had bleached blonde hair, and blue eyes - a tan so orange she looked slightly like a wotsit, and a skirt obviously smaller then her IQ level.  
>Why was she in here?<br>She wasn't like these girls - she looked healthy and -  
>Then it clicked.<p>

She was the group councilor, who would talk to us about our 'Problems.'

_Your only problem is that your a fat waste of space, Maia. _Pauls voice sneered. Why did he torture me so?

" Now girls," The lady started in a phony, _oh-so-fake_ voice. " My names Julia, and i'll be your group councilor."

The girls all mumbled something undistinguishable, like they didn't have energy to make decent conversation.

" You all have something in common. A poor self-image. A low self-esteem. A yearning for a better body. A loss of control. " Julia described. All of these things described me. " You know how I know?" She asked. "These are things that most people with eating disorders have in common. I know, because all these things once described me." I looked down.

'I don't have an eating disorder!' I wanted to scream out. ' I'm in complete control of my body!'

I seeled my lips, and spoke not another word, as I was woried that I would say something irrational otherwise.  
>This was going to be a long session.<p>

**Another short chappie - no excuse for not writing other then writers block - lets see how many of my reviewers are remaining faithful despite the long period of time!  
>CaitlinB54<strong>

**x**


	10. Chapter 10: Unusual nightmares

**Maia's POV**

_I was surrounded in black._  
><em>Nothing but a vast, empty, burning blackness.<em>  
><em>The deepest, darkest, and most dangerous depth of black.<em>

_I knew what it was, almost instantly. I was trapped._  
><em>Trapped in my own self-loathing and pain, the emotional baggage I carried with me throughout every single day.<em>  
><em>So there I was, trapped in my own self-conscious.<em>

_In normal nightmares, I would be somewhere, afraid and lonely, **so lonely, **cowering as Paul approached me - his hunching posture, the glint in his eye, and the smirk on his lips: you could tell by everything about him that he had no good intent._

_But, this was no normal nightmare._

_The despair was so thick I could taste it - It tasted metallic, rusty even, and it vibrated on my tongue._  
><em>Then it got worse.<em>  
><em>Every now and again the taste would change, from a white hot burning flame that licked at my tongue without mercy, to a blue icy taste that flowed into my mouth, almost choking me. I wasn't sure which hurt more.<em>

_There was no Paul._  
><em>None of Pauls mates.<em>  
><em>No one to hurt me.<em>

_Although I wished that it would change - I wished I could transform the nightmare to one of the usual's, where Paul would be taunting me, teasing me, hurting me to a excruciating extent. Anything, and I mean anything, would've been better than this._

_Little did I know, things were going to get worse. Much, much worse..._

_"Hello again," A deep voice hissed from behind me. I flinched. The voice echoed around the blackness, like we were in a cave. It was a voice dripping with honey._

_But, don't you know honey comes from bees?_  
><em>And if you mess with bees, you're going to get stung.<em>

_I didn't dare respond._

_Before I had chance to turn around, he was already in front of me. My eyes quickly adjusted to see the beautiful figure infront of me._

_This time, there were no lifeless corpses with hauntingly gormless faces._  
><em>No blood in his honey gold locks, that fell to just above his collar.<br>However, he still had those almost entrancing eyes, which were pools of liquid night._

_I drank his appearance - he had many crescent-shaped scars dotted all over his body. They seemed to be his most dominant feature._  
><em>Another thing that stood out, was the fact that, I could see a look of pain underneath that sick smirk.<em>

_"W-what do you want with me?" I whimpered. "Do you want to kill me? Well, you can. I don't want to live anymore. Please..."_

_He grinned, dashing closer to me, until he was just mere inches away from my face._  
><em>I didn't know how he could walk on black nothingness.<em>  
><em>All I knew was that I wanted everything to end soon.<em>

_" Please. I **want** you to kill me ..." I begged him._

_I loved Quil, Embry and Jake, so SO much, but it just wasn't enough to make me deal with the pain._  
><em>I felt like a selfish bitch, taking their help and still wanting to die. I felt so cruel. Readers, you must think i'm a dreadful person. And I knew I was. I was a horrible, horrible cow - I didn't deserve their help. They shouldn't have had to waste their time on me. I just wanted all the pain to stop. Sometimes it hurt so much that it hazed over my eyes, coated my entire being. I was terrified of life, and hated my self.<em>

_Too top it all off, I felt idiotic whining about my life so much. Almost like an attention whore. _

_He seemed to falter - he opened his mouth and closed it again, before growling "... I want to kill you too." in a southern twang. He pursed his lips into a thin line. He edged towards me. "Your so aggravating with your emotions. Stupid mortal."_

_I was bewildered. He didn't seem as crazy as when we last encountered each other. I voiced my thoughts out loud._

_"Last time I saw you I had gone into a frenzy. I killed so many innocents to get rid of your stupid depressing feelings. It's all your fault." Clenching and unclenching his fists, he grunted in annoyance. "Why won't you stop?"_

_"I'm a bulimic who has been bullied into depression." I reasoned, barely holding back the river of tears. Que the awkward silence._

_"... I'm sorry." The inhumanly beautiful man responded softly. I looked up to meet his eyes, and noticed that they had turned to a metallic orange - almost a mix between gold and red. " I hadn't realised."_

_Silence._

_"Maia?"_

_I could feel myself choking on the sobs that were threatening to escape my lips._

_"Come on, Kill me then." I finally whispered. "It is what you came to do, isn't it? KILL ME!"_

_Saying nothing, he turned his gaze to the blackness around us._

_"I looked up Mara, you know. A Mara's most effective weapon is sustaining a climate of fear." I sighed. "Why did you call yourself that?"_

_Looking down to me, he responded "Because, at first, it's what I thought you were. I could feel the fear radiating off of you, and I could sense it made others around you feel it slightly, too. "_

_"What's your real name?" I asked. I could almost see the battle in his mind, on whether to tell me or not._

_"I think it's best not to tell you." He concluded, at last. I sighed._

_"What are you? Why do I keep dreaming about you?" I wondered aloud, studying his face. I already could tell what he was from the last dream._

_"I could ask you the same question." He retorted. "I don't dream. I can't dream. But .. these visions keep coming over me, I ... I don't get it. "_

_I was starting to think that this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. Was I crazy to think that? Probably._

_"Why won't you kill me?" I asked. "I know what you are, and I know that you can. So why won't you?"_

_Suddenly, as if having enough of my tedious nagging, he darted towards me and pierced my skin with sharp, lethal teeth..._

* * *

><p>I woke up weeping quietly, at around about 5am. It was still dark outside.<p>

I was sleeping over at Jacobs that night with Quil and Embry. It had been a few weeks since I'd been going to that eating disorder group. I couldn't say I was getting better, but I did realise that I had an issue.  
>Jake, Quil and Embry had all been there for me since the beginning, and without them, I would be lost.<br>They were practically the only things that kept me going.

Of course, that resulted in me becoming more and more distant from Tyler.  
>Whenever I went to school - which was rarely, nowadays - Tyler would avoid me, ignore me, or shout at me, demanding to know why I had ditched him for some 'Steroid freaks.' Quil, Embry and Jake would always come to my rescue.<br>That didn't stop me feeling awful, though.

Paul had tried to contact me a lot. However, my Jake, Quil, and Embry would always warn him off. The last I'd heard was that Paul had now finally resulted in drowning himself in whores. I think someone had told me that his latest floosy was 'Prozzie Patricia.' Lovely.

Anyway, On hearing my sobbing, Jacob was by me in a shot, hugging me close to him. " Shhh honey it's okay .. It was just a nightmare.. You're okay now baby girl .." He consoled, as Embry and Quil started waking up.

As soon as they saw me, they got up in a flash, and ran to me. " What happened? Were you having a nightmare about that Skunk-nugget?" Quil asked, earning a little chuckle from me in between my sobs.  
>"Y-Yeah ..." I sniffled, lying through my teeth.<br>It seemed like they knew it wasn't about Paul, but they let it go anyway, for my sake.  
>They all pulled me into a burning embrace - I'd have to talk to them about their temperatures later - and just let me cry.<br>After what felt like hours, Embry spoke.  
>"Right," Embry grinned. "Get dressed, Maia. We're going to go to that all night ice-cream Parlor. My treat."<p>

I smiled warmly at them. I loved those guys.

And, for a split second, they made everything all right again.

* * *

><p><strong>Yay, an update! The crappest update i've ever given to this story, but still ;L I think you all know who the guy in her dream is now .. But i'm not saying anything :P<strong>

**Sorry for like, NEVER updating. Oh well :) I'll start updating more soon! I can't believe I've wrote 10 chapters already :)**

**Many thanks,**

**CaitlinB54**

**:)**

**xoxo**


	11. Chapter 11: Masking a blow

**Maia's POV**

Day after Day, I wondered who the man in my dreams was. _What _he was.  
>I was probably going insane, wracking my brain for some sort of closure - had I ever met him before, in reality? Was this the way of my brain telling me that I had gone mad?<br>Thoughts flowed through the river that was my mind, fast and almost overwhelming.  
>Was I really insane?<br>It must've been Gods' idea of a joke.  
>A sick, twisted joke.<br>I was incredibly curious of how I was possibly going to go about finding this man.

_Curiosity killed the cat. Just leave this alone, and it will all go away._

Shut up voice. Well, at least coming up with a plan of finding the guy kept my mind off of -

_Paul._

I sighed, once again tired of the constant reminder I had of him.  
>Not just the physical bruises still on the arm that he had broken those months ago, but of the torment he had caused me all my life.<p>

All the emotional trauma that coursed through my body, bubbling underneath the surfaces, was from him - the _douchebag_.

What the fuck had I done in another life to make me deserve this? How many fucking puppies had I kicked?

My life was complicated enough WITHOUT weird nightmares and -

"Maia, out of that day dream - we're taking you for a day of FUN! " Quil squealed in my ear from the front seat of his truck.

"Yeah, so enough of your sour face - honestly you look like you've been attacked by a massive lemon or something." Embry grinned from beside me, giving my hand a squeeze.

Jake wasn't with us - apparently he had a job he had to take care of. They all seemed to be having jobs they needed to take care of a lot lately - but whenever one of the trio would leave, they'd make sure that the other two would be with me at all times.  
>Lately though, It seemed as if Jake was taking care of jobs much more often. I hoped his boss wasn't working him too hard.<p>

I chuckled at my two best friends. " Where are you taking me?" I asked, genuinely curious.

" Only the bestest place a girl would ever dream of ..." Embry started. "THE MALL!"

Quil cheered with him. " We're gunna buy you all the clothes you want! Are we the most generous people alive or what?"

There was a few seconds where wanted to jump up and down and hug them so hard that they might just nearly choke. However, I had to think sensibly.  
>Sure, I needed a girly day out, to get out all of this building stress- despite the fact that it was with my two best guy friends - and sure, maybe I needed a new wardrobe, but how much would it cost them?<br>I couldn't take their money.  
>Re-gaining my composure, I smiled a small smile at them. " Guys, that is like, amazingly generous, but I can't take your money. It's not right - "<p>

" It is right." Interrupted Quil. " You've been through so much - don't you deserve a little treat?"

Well, It did sound convincing - sure, I wasn't exactly cumming rainbows at this moment in life ..

" Plus, I think you need a new wardrobe - have you seen yourself lately?" Embry Joked.

I blushed, and nudged him a little, trying to tell myself that I was stupid for letting a friends joke hurt, even just a little bit. It was just, every comment like that made towards me, joke or not, reminded me of Paul..  
><em>Your just too sensitive. Don't worry.<em>

I looked up at Embry and we exchanged a knowing look. Before things got to intense, he grinned at me, and ruffled my hair. He was like the big brother I never had. I knew he would always be there for me, like my rock. Without him, or Quil or Jake, I'd probably crumble. I needed all 3 of them.

I tuned out of the conversation when Quil started going on about how he was going to bring us back to his house afterwards so he could give me a makeover.  
>Sometimes, I was pretty sure he was gay.<p>

When we got to the mall in Seattle, Embry practically unbuckled me, scooped me out of the car, and ran into the mall with me, before Quill even got out of the car. Not seeming to care that people were now staring, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a music shop, before touching every CD on one of the racks.  
>" What music do you like?" He asked me.<br>" Hmmm..." I wondered. " Things from people like Ellie Goulding, Paloma Faith, Adele ..." I smiled.

"... Who's Ellie Goulding?" Embry asked. I stared at him, shocked.

" How could you not know who Ellie Goulding is? Her voice is so pretty!" I said, not really caring that I sounded like I was a 7 year old. "She's from the United Kingdom though, so I forgive you if you haven't heard of her." Her music was like an inspirational foreign language, something that evoked a thought of magic inside me.

He just grinned, before putting his arm around me.  
>We stayed in a comfortable silence for a moment, before Quil finally caught up.<p>

" Oi, Maia! Why don't we go to Victoria's secret?" He smirked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.  
><em>Ah. I see.<em>  
><em>I guess he isn't gay.<em>

" No way Quilly!" I laughed. " You can take me to Macy's if you want though?"

He sighed dramatically, before saying " My hopes have been crushed, but fine. We'll go to Macy's."

I looked hopefully towards Embry. " Are you coming?" I asked.

" Naah, I think I'll stay here. I'll meet you at the food court in a bit, 'kay?" Embry replied, waving at me and Quil as we walked to Macys.

When we got to Macys', and Quil started trying to pick me out some clothes. I looked at the things he'd picked up - crop tops, hot pants, and short short skirts - he looked like he was playing dress up with a first class whore.

" Quilly! I don't want to look like a prostitute!" I laughed, before taking all the clothes in his hands and putting them back. " I'd rather wear things like this " I said as I picked up a ripped baggy blue top, and cropped jeans. Taking a white vest off of a rack to put on under the ripped top, I slung them onto Quil, as I went to pick up more outfits. For once, I was feeling happy - and even Quil actually seemed to be enjoying himself by the time we were on the third outfit.

" I like this." Quil grinned. "You know, I feel a bit like Gok Wans apprentice." I laughed. "But, i'm starving. Food time! I'm going to get us hamburgers, and cookie dough ice cream, and pizza - and fries to share!" He licked his lips, clearly imagining satisfying his animal like hunger.

My smile turned hesitant, and a tad false.  
>I didn't like the thought of eating all of that ... all the calories .. All the food that I secretly felt as if I didn't deserve ...<br>But I couldn't be ungrateful - after all he's just gotten me, I should at least try to eat.  
>I could tell that my friends were still worried about my bulimia problem, and it was horrible of me to keep burdening them with all of this negativity.<br>Deciding that I'd have to eat at least some of it, I tried to push back the thoughts of purging it all later to the back of my head.

Quil frowned slightly, and I could tell that he was trying so hard to stay cheery today - it looked as if he was almost about to cry. " Mai-Mai ... " His voice quiverred.

He said no more, but I could almost sense the unspoken words. _Please try. For me?_

I grabbed his arm, and I tried to be brave, if just to repay him, as we headed towards the dreadful sight that was the food court.

**Embry's POV**

I'd decided to get Maia an IPod shuffle, and download the albums of the artists that she said she'd liked onto it. Some would say that me and Quil were spoiling her - but it wasn't like that. She'd gone through so much, and we felt as if she deserved a good time for once.  
>That, and the fact that we were sweetening her up for another blow in her life.<p>

She didn't know that Jacob, our so called friend, was ditching us, and his job of protecting LA Push, to go chasing after that pale faced bitch. _Again._  
>I didn't think we'd be seeing him for a while.<p>

We'd been trying to keep a cheerful facade up for Maia, but it was proving hard. We couldn't let her know that one of the first people she'd began to trust in her whole life has already forgotten her. Forgotten _Us. _All for a dull chick who wants a moody parasite as a 'soul mate'.  
>Anger boiled in my blood as I thought of how crushed our Maia would be if she knew that he was bailing on us to go fix Bella's bikes.<p>

Suddenly, something vibrated in my back pocket. I got out my phone, and it seemed I had a text from Sam.

_Get Maia out of Seattle, and back to our place. New-borns around._

Dread washed over me. Were vamps coming for a little snack?  
>There was one thing I did know.<br>I had to find Quil and Maia.

* * *

><p><strong>Guess who's back?<strong>

Sorry, I've had writers block, and this chapter isn't as poetic as the rest of my writing :)  
>Please review - 12 reviews for the next chapter ( Which will include the tempermental wolf Paul) :)<p>

Virtual cookie for the people who reviewed in the last chapter :D

And, can you please watch this video? It's of me singing 'Set Fire To The Rain' By Adele on YouTube - I've only just learnt the song, be very thankful if you'd tell me what you thought :D

youtube**(take this out, this is just so it will let me post the link)**.com/watch?v=UMvvXqTAyYQ

If you could comment on there, or share the video or something, i'd be eternally greatful :) If not to listen to the song, but just to see what the author of the Fanfiction you're reading looks like :L

MuchLove,  
>CaitlinB54<p>

xox


	12. Chapter 12: Blood

**Maia's POV**

It all changed so quickly.

Me and Quil were ordering food from McDonalds - me a hamburger and fries, with orange juice, and him 3 quarter pounders with 5 servings of large fries, and coke - when Embry came at us.

He seemed worried - there was a look of dismay on his face that I didn't like.

" What's the matter, Embry?" I asked, slightly scared.

He was trying to keep a calm composure, but we both knew something was up.

"Embry?" I tried again.

For a few moments, he said nothing.

" We need to leave." He responded. "Now!"

Before I knew what was happening, he took my arm and was dragging me through alleyways. Quil followed close behind.

"Embry! What's happening man?" Quil asked, voice trembling.

"I don't know, I just got a text from Sam - I'm guessing that Psychic Parasite thinks that there's gunna be a whole group of those new born bloodsuckers here in Seattle. All I know is that its going to be soon, and we need to leave before something happens." Embry sighed shakily, surveying the parking lot for our truck. " Urghh ... where's the fucking truck?" He growled. For that split second, he didn't seem human. That look in his eyes ... it was **animal**.

" W- What's going on?" I exclaimed. Quil and Embry were speaking so fast that I couldn't keep up with them.

They seemed so scared ..

They were my rocks - but they were beginning to crumble under the intensity of this situation, that was uncomprehend-able to me, but seemed to be a huge deal to them.

" You're scaring Maia, Embry!"

" We need to keep her SAFE, why don't you care that there are leeches on their way? You can stay here if you want, but I NEED to take my Maia to safety! "

" Embry, keep in mind she's clueless about all of this! She doesn't know why you're freaking out!"

" WHERE'S THE _FUCKING_ TRUCK!..."

They were searching frantically for our truck, whilst still being absorbed in the argument they were having.

I was paralysed with emotion.

Fear washed over me like the sea.

I didn't understand the situation, but I still felt defenceless.

Vulnerable.

" P-PLEASE! WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING -?"

**BANG.**

I knew that something had crashed into my side. Hard.

Things went fuzzy after that. I can't remember it clearly.

I could feel red liquid pain trickling out of me almost immediately.

What had happened? It was like something had _ripped_ a chunk out of my side.

" Owww..." I sighed.

I looked up, and saw a beautiful man, with eyes the colour of burgundy, and skin that looked like rock.  
>He had a lump of flesh in his hand, and it looked like he was licking it. He was messily getting it in his face, and in his hair.<br>A snarl was on his pale pink lips, and his coal black hair, and his colourless face were now sticky with blood.

_My blood._

Ribbons of anguish wrapped around me. A cold, empty feeling filled my stomach to the brim.

I didn't understand. What was he doing? Was he some kind of sick cannibal?

My eyes searched for Embry and Quil. Why weren't they here saving me?

Was I going to die alone in that alley?

Suddenly, I saw _wolves_.

2, horse sized_ freakin' _wolves.

They attacked the angelic man, with a face of beauty, and eyes of deepest red. They ripped his marble-like skin away from his body, and I was surprised to see that no red liquid pain seeped out of him, like it had with me.

The man's stone-like body cracked here and there.

His mouth formed an 'O' as he was being ripped to shreds before his eyes.

I watched the wolves, feral and vicious, as they growled at the man before them.

My eyes still searched for my protectors, My brothers.

Was it that those vicious beasts had came to my rescue, whilst my protectors, my best friends, my brothers, did not?

Did I mean so little to them, that when push came to shove, they would leave me in an alleyway, with my life force coursing out of my veins thick and fast, so they could escape unscathed?

I thought I meant more than that to Quil ... To _Embry_ ...

My _Embry_ ...

I guessed not.

My vision was starting to flicker, and my consciousness began to fade, as the gash in my side kept gushing out blood.

Right then, I wished that someone, ANY one, would come and rescue me...

Even Paul ...

_Paul._

There were a few things I feared.

I feared Death. I feared that God wouldn't accept me, like Paul didn't, and that he would send me down, down into a monsters abyss. I feared that Mummy and Daddy wouldn't mourn for me when I was sent to my grave.

I feared Paul. Oh _god_, did I fear Paul.

My fear of Paul would paralyse my body late at night, until I fell asleep, when my fear of Paul would strangle my dreams.

I feared Pauls criticisms, and I feared his skill of making his every word stab me, and hurt my heart.

My fear of Paul made my decisions, and sculpted me into an insecure wreck...

However, something did draw me to Paul Walker.

I didn't know what pulled me to that man whore, but it was something.

It was perplexing, because I knew I hated him.

Oh yes, I **hated** him.

I **loathed** him with every fibre of my being.

I _detested_ his dark soul, and his cruel heart.

But I felt like I needed him.

After years and years of agonising torment from him, he took part of me.

I knew that one day, I'd need it back - and only _he_could give it to me...

And maybe, just maybe, if he gave me back the girl I was those many years ago, I could forgive him.

But how could he do it? How could he give me back the life I should've had?

I realised that there was warmth on my face. From the blood out of my wounds, or just tears, I didn't know. But, what I did know that I shouldn't have been shedding tears over Paul Walker.

As i drifted out of consciousness, all I could think of was the life I should have led.

* * *

><p><strong>Embry POV<strong>

It was terrifying.

The thought of losing Maia due to those bloodsucking leeches killed me.

I just couldn't believe that Jacob was with Isabella Swan, kissing her pale motherfucking ass, instead of trying to save my Maia.

My Maia ..

_Dude. Snap out of it. We need to save Maia!_Quil thought angrily at me.

_Guys, what's happening? _Sam thought, worried.

_We've got a new wolf phasing here - what are you doing out there? _Jared added.

I tuned out the voices. At that moment, all I needed to focus on at the time was trying to save her from that pale face parasite.

I jumped at the blood sucker, trying not to picture poor Maia's crumbling face as she witnessed this first hand.  
>The Vamps face looked distraught, but he had no time to move before I'd pounced on him, and clawed off half of his face.<p>

It was absolutely disgusting - Vampires don't have any blood or anything to make the sight gory, but I think that it just made them look creepy. There was nothing behind his face, just ... rock.  
>Chards of his stone-like skin fell to the ground.<br>Me and Quil ripped the vampire to shreds, the terrible taste of sickly sweetness tarnishing our taste buds as we did. By the time we had finished, the vamp wasn't even recognisable as a male or female.

When we were sure we'd done a decent job, we phased back, and luckily we had a spare pair of shorts tied to our ankles. I told Quil to take the limbs of the leech back to the truck, whilst I took care of Maia.

I scooped her into my arms, and the metallic smell of her blood reached my nose.

I looked to the source of the smell, and found that it came from her ribs, where that stupid sparkly bastard smashed into her side.

Blood was trickling out of it - it seems that where he banged past her, he took a whole chunk of her flesh off with it. There was blood over her face, where she had touched the wound and probably rubbed her face with her hands.  
>She was a red, sticky mess.<br>_Why is it that she can still look so beautiful, even after being covered in a layer of mud, grime, and her own blood?_

I was absolutely horrified at her condition.  
>Why was it that whenever werewolves were around her, she'd always end up getting hurt?<p>

I felt so guilty for taking my eyes off of her whilst arguing with Quil. If I had kept a hold of her, none of this would have happened. I let guilt wrap me in a deadly embrace, as tears dribbled down my cheek.

Suddenly I realised. There were still more new borns prowling Seattle, and they could've been travelling to us at that very moment.  
>I quickly ran off to find my truck, and get her to Doctor Leech, before any other complications should come up.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Christmas present for you guys - a chapter to one of the most depressing stories I have ever written :)<strong>

**Review and you'll get a chapter by Christmas Eve.**  
><strong>Unless I get at least 12 reviews, your not getting any chapters until my birthday. Which is 28th March.<strong>

**It's hard to keep writing because I'm not a fan of twilight any more - i'm more into Harvest moon now :L**

**CaitlinB54**  
><strong>:D<strong>  
><strong>xoxox<strong>


	13. Chapter 13: Deception

**Maia's POV**

Everything was so ... fuzzy.

I remember waking up on a couch, at a vaguely familiar place, with a few vaguely familiar people surrounding me - I could just pick out Embry, Quil, and him.  
>Afterthoughts like Sam, Emily and Jared occured to me.<br>I wondered where Jake was - had he went to go get a drink or something?

I dwelled on that until pulsing waves of a heated stinging pain hit me like a brick, making me wince. I then remembered what had happened that day. I felt all the blood drain from my face as I reminisced, and I shuddered with fear.

No one saw that I had awakened - they all seemed to be to busy arguing.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MAIA?" Paul screeched, practically bursting my ear drums as he did so.

" Hey we didn't do ANYTHING to OUR Maia!" Embry replied, just as loud, as he gestured to Quil and himself. "WE saved her from a leech! YOU weren't there for her, WE were!"

Feelings of betrayal shot through me like a bullet. They weren't there to protect me - they left me to die! It was only by miracle that wolves came to my rescue. Why were they lying? I didn't have the will power to speak, to object to their arguement.

" If you were there for her, then what happened to her fucking ribs? I'll fucking kill you, you bastards!" Paul growled, actuallly making a good point, edging closer to them. However, they did not back down.

" We tried as hard as we could! The leech got to her before we could phase!" Quil argued. "And what would have happened if she found out our secret? Huh? She is already scared shitless of YOU! What would happen if she was scared of us, too? If she hated us, I don't know what we'd do! And let's face it, without us, you wouldn't even know a thing about her! If we are out of the picture, you know NOTHING. "

This is so confusing.. What do they mean? What secrets were they keeping from me?

And what were they telling Paul?

_Are they just hanging round with me to get information for Paul?_

Silent tears ran down my cheek.

_I thought they were my friends._

" Hey, it's not like you tell me things about her willingly! You two twats think about her so much, it's hard not to pick up a few things!" Paul barked back with passion, leaving me with more questions.

Thoughts rushed around my mind, my brain trying to comprehend what was going on, and failing.

What was my Embry keeping from me? And Why was Paul busting a nut about what was happening to his ex-victim?

Embry Growled, striding closer to Paul. " At least we THINK about her! You just try to block her out with the memories of those WHORES you fuck!" Anger was evident in his voice. I could see him trembling, and I knew that if this continued, a fight would break out.

" Urrrrrrgggghhhhhhmmmm ..." I groaned, trying to give them the impression that I had just woken up, so they'd have a reason to stop fighting.

Everyone froze.

Quil and Embry were at my side in an instant, holding my hands.

" We were so worried Maia!"Quil cried. "I'm so glad you're alright!"

" Oh god, i'm so happy you're awake! Are you okay? Do you want us to get you some pain killers? All of us were so frightened!" Embry gushed.

I just looked at them. I didn't want to speak to them at that moment. With an obviously hurt expression, I stared, not moving, not even breathing.

There was an awkward silence in the air.

_If they were so worried about me, why didn't they save me?_

"... Maia?" Quil continued, gripping my hand slightly tighter. " Are ... Are you okay?"

The tension in the atmosphere was thickening, as everyone stared at me, waiting for an answer.

I could feel Quil and Embry's burning gazes on me, and Pauls intense eyes watching me from afar.

"... W-Why?" I managed to splutter out. No other words quite managed to escape my lips.

Everyone seemed a bit confused, except Quil and Embry, who froze to their place.

No one replied, so I tried once again.

" Why did you leave me?" I whispered, looking Embry and Quil right in the eyes. They both hung their heads, not returning the eye contact.

Despair washed over me, as I felt fat, salty tears sliding down my face once again.

" Maia ... I -" Embry started, but stopped himself. He had no excuse.

I winced.

" You said you'd always be there for me ... F - Forever .. " My voice was hushed - it was so quite, you'd have to be concentrating to actually hear it. "What does forever mean to you Embry? What about you, Quil?" There was a hint of venom running through my vocal chords, emitted into my voice, making me sound bitter.

" It's not like that!" Embry shouted, shaking. "You know we're here for you!"

"Don't take that tone with her!" Paul growled, choosing now to finally speak up. His eyes were balls of pent up rage and his expression was almost painful to look at. Embry turned to look at Paul, and snarled. He didn't sound like Embry any more. He sounded like an animal.

" Who the fuck do you think you are, Paul? She doesn't even like you! How does that make you feel, huh? You screwed up your chances with her! DON'T think you can try and waltz back in and start sticking up for her, when you're the main reason she's so twisted in the first place!"

I winced. Again. Did he just call me twisted?

Something started to snap inside my core.

" Hey, at least he didn't leave me to DIE!" I growled, sticking up for the man I hated the most.

Something changed in Pauls eyes, just for a split second. There was a flash of pride, just for a moment - though it was so quick, I couldn't be sure.

"We didn't leave you to die!" Quil objected.

"I wish I could believe it.." I sobbed " but I saw you leave ... You just left me .. " I looked down to the floor.

" But we didn't! Ughh, it's so hard to explain..." Embry growled, not hesitating for even a moment to respond. He didn't seem to get it - I saw him leave.  
>I knew it sounded crazy, but they didn't save me. Wolves saved me.<p>

" YOU DID! stop trying to pretend, Embry! Just admit it! You're a coward!" I half-laughed, to try to lessen the anguish I was feeling.

" I'M NOT A COWARD!" Embry bellowed, and i'd be lying if I said it did't frighten me. However, I did not back down.

" Then why are you lying? Why don't you just tell me the truth? Just stop the excuses!" My voice was wavering, but I tried to keep it audible.

Embry was seething. His temper was bubbling up to the surfice, and it was easy to tell. I noticed that out of the corner of my eye, an authoritive-looking man was standing infront of a scarred woman protectively, as if he knew something was going to happen.

" YOU WANT THE TRUTH? FINE!" He roared, as he started to pace.

Everyone in the room seemed to have a look of protest on their faces.

" Thank god! Tell me that you left me! Just tell me that you betrayed me, so I can know how much of a dickhead you really are!" I growled lowly. "Tell me that you left me to die when I needed you."

Embry let out an agonising howl. His hands were now balled up into fists. " How could you say that? You twisted bitch! It's not like you even care that much about your life anyway! One minute you're trying to commit suicide, the next minute you're angry at us for leaving you to die! Make up your mind, you anorexic silly cow! I don't know why we tried to babysit such a whiney bitch anyway!"

There were gasps in the room.

Then, a screaming silence.

My mouth was open with shock, as I felt myself start to break down.  
>Anguish coursed through me, and my heart was hurting.<br>I was feeling agony and betrayal. Did he just say that to me?  
>The one person I relied on most in the world, besides Quil and Jake?<p>

Quil was looking at Embry, disgust etched on his face.

That was when, Paul strode right up to Embry, and punched him in the face.

**Embry's POV**

" But we didn't! Ughh, it's so hard to explain..." I growled like an animal, not hesitating for even a moment to respond. My Maia looked at me as if I didn't get it at all.  
>I wished that dick Jacob was here, trying to help, instead of trying to score with that bitch Bella.<br>He didn't even come round when we phoned him, telling him what had happened!  
>So now, I had to argue with the girl that meant everything to me, because he didn't help save her.<p>

" YOU DID! stop trying to pretend, Embry! Just admit it! You're a coward!" she half-laughed, and I felt helpless.

" I'M NOT A COWARD!" I roared. A flash of horror stuck my Maia's face.  
>For a second, she looked frightened. I felt disgusted with myself for making that look appear on her beautiful face.<p>

Maia did not back down though, and retored with" Then why are you lying? Why don't you just tell me the truth? Just stop the excuses!" Her voice was wavering slighty, but she seemed so much stronger then she had a few months ago.

I decided I had to tell her the truth. That we were the guys who saved her - but not in this form. "YOU WANT THE TRUTH? FINE!" I roared.

I heard people whispering to me in protest, so low that only a supernatural being could hear it. " Don't let out our secret! You can't!" Sam whispered.  
>" It's not your job to tell her!" Paul growled.<p>

" Thank god! Tell me that you left me! Just tell me that you betrayed me, so I can know how much of a dickhead you really are!" Maia snarled lowly, not hearing the whispered conversation. "Tell me that you left me to die when I needed you."

I let out an agonised howl. How could she think that of me? I cared about her so much, more than she knew - why did she think so lowly of me?

My hands were now balled up into fists. "How could you say that?" I asked, heartbroken. I felt something come over me, as my brain blurred. " You twisted bitch! It's not like you even care that much about your life anyway! One minute you're trying to commit suicide, the next minute you're angry at us for leaving you to die! Make up your mind, you anorexic silly cow! I don't know why we tried to babysit such a whiney bitch anyway!"

As soon as I said it, I felt sick to my stomach.  
>I wanted to take it back, I wanted to tell her I was sorry, and take her into my arms - kiss away the pain i'd just caused.<br>But I couldn't.

I was such a disgusting person.

I didn't have time to right my wrong - as her imprint Paul took that opportunity to puch me with all of his might, in my face, breaking my nose.

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><p><strong>Yayy, go updates!<strong>

**Right, I suggest you review, because I have got a chapter ready to go up tonight, if I get _20_ reviews!**  
><strong>Ahaa, i'm evil ;P<strong>

**I love you all:)**

**CaitlinB54**

**xoxo**


	14. Chapter 14: Reunite

**Maia's POV**

_**You have 21 Missed Calls.**_

_**You have 4 Voice Mails.**_

_" Hey, Maia? ... It's Embry. Please call me when you get this. I'm .. I'm sorry. Just ... Please. Please call me."_

_"Hey Maia .. It's Embry again. Why won't you pick up? I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."_

_"Pick up your phone, Maia. Please. I need to speak to you."_

_"We need to talk, Maia. Please. I ... I don't know what else I can say. Please."_

I just sat their in my room, rocking back and forth, hugging my knees to my chest. I knew that I was all the things that Embry said I was - but I never expected him, my best friend, my brother, to call out all of my flaws.

Tears just kept pouring. I bet you are thinking 'Just get over it!' .. I really do wish I could. I wish I could just forgive everyone, and just be _happy.  
><em>But I can't.  
>This isn't a fairy tale.<br>Silly me.

Maybe I'm just a stupid drama queen. Maybe I just choose to constantly trip over that annoying pebble that is depression. I thought to myself, maybe I just _let _the darkness of my life take over the light.  
>I know. I know that I seem like some kind of over the top bitch.<br>But I really can't help the way I feel.

I bet you think i'm pathetic right now. I bet you are wondering how someone could be so self-centered. Don't worry, that's okay. I wonder too. All the time. I really do. I feel so pathetic about myself- I wish I could just _stop _being this person.

The truth is, I long for the feeling of fitting in with everyone else - but then again, I don't think i'd be able to cope with the pressure very long.  
>But that's the problem - I either can't cope with the pressure, or I feel lonely. A catch 22 situation. Which is the lesser of two evils? Which one would I be able to stand for longer?<p>

God, I hated this. It's not like I loved depression. Depression loved me.  
>I did try to combat this feeling. This feeling is like the thief of happiness - and like all thieves, it needs to be defeated. I did try my best to stop this feeling taking over my life - but I guess my best isn't good enough. It's left me in a black hole of misery - and god knows i've tried to get out, and shout for help - but now i've found some sort of help, I wish I didn't. Because it hasn't helped. It's just made me feel numb, and my mind feels violated - I just wan't control over my life again - but i've lost the motivation to do so. Heh. I know, Pathetic, right?<p>

It's just like my struggle just feed's the feeling. God, a few years ago, I would of looked at someone like me and said 'snap out of it!' - I would of thought they were some whiney, emo bitch.  
>How ironic. That whiney emo bitch is now me. Huh.<p>

And now, even Embry think's i'm not worth the hassle...

Well, screw him. A real friend wouldn't say those things - because even though they are probably true, a real friend would at least try to spare my feelings. A real frien d wouldn't call me up on my eating disorder.

Thinking of true friends - God, I wish I hadn't forgotten Tyler. Tyler was my best friend - and I blew him off so I could try to get help off of other people. Well, i've really fucked up now, haven't I? I tossed him aside, took him for granted. He had stood by me throughout all my petty tears, and I turned my back on him. He never left me behind, even if he had the choice to run. And I'd betrayed him.

And now what? What can I do?  
>First things first, I went to go apologize to Ty.<p>

* * *

><p>I sprinted to his house, and by the time I got there, I barely had the strength to knock the door.<p>

Tyler opened the door slowly. His normal chirpy face looked tired. Glaring at me, he attempted to shut it, but I wedged my foot between the door (which hurt like a bitch, might I add).

"Ty, I -"

"Don't call me 'Ty'." Tyler growled, venom coating his words. My breathing hitched in my throat. I knew i'd hurt him, and I figured that I deserved that.

"Tyler," I corrected myself. "You .. You don't know how sorry I am. I didn't realize that i'd tossed my best friend aside. I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I just had to let you know that. What i've done to you is wrong, and -"

Tyler interrupted me with a sigh. " I forgive you, Mai-Mai. You know I've never been able to stay mad at you. Truth is, I missed you. Alot."

I smiled at him. The most genuine, wide smile i'd smiled for a long time. "You don't know how much that means to me, Ty - i'm so sorry for blowing you off."

Tyler grinned, probably at the fact that I was actually smiling. I knew I was crying - but this time it wasn't because I was upset. This was probably the first time i'd ever cried with tears of happiness. Embry wasn't a true friend - but Tyler sure was. He was always there for me, even when I hadn't done him the same justice. I loved Tyler with the bottom of my heart.

"Tyler, I love you, I don't know what I'd do without you..."

He pulled me into an embrace. "Well, now you don't have to find out."

We stayed like that for lord knows how long, but it just made me feel better. Something did seem off about him though - his body temperature was burning hot. I passed it off as fever.

Tyler broke it off, and smiled a boyish smile. "Well, are you coming in or not? I've got cookies!"

I was pretty sure that this was one of the most happy moments I had ever had for years. He'd accepted me back - My best friend had accepted me, when i'd been so disgraceful to him. Everything was going to be okay. I was going to forget about Jake, Quil, and Embry. I'd be alright.

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><p><strong>I hate Twilight now, so this chapter was shitty - but people have been telling me to update, and I just couldn't refuse them. I wont update as often, because i'm writing South Park fanfics now, but you know, reviews are payment;)<strong>

Anyway,  
>Lot's of love,<br>CattiCandi

xx


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